okay I live in london and obvs I’m not gonna say where but um lately every time I take the train, I have the biggest feeling to just jump and end it all. I have been like this for ages and this feeling is getting stronger but I think the only thing that is stopping me is the fact that if I jump there will be a huge delay in the trains and I don’t want to disturb other people and their journeys. But even then, I’m too scared to do it myself and I need a push. I have decided that my death HAVE to be a suicide because that is really the only reason i can accept.
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Feeling/Thinking about doing that… and actually doing that, won’t be the same thing.
It sounds pretty brutal to me.
The delay won’t be the only problem, there’s the trauma and the mess..
Are you sure you rather have a push in that direction rather than a push towards working on/figuring out what might be causing you to feel that way?
ive been taking the trains for about 4 years now and for about 2 of them i haev felt this way. honestly it seems to be the best way to end it and easiest
Sometimes when I’m on my motorcycle I wonder what it would be like if I just didn’t turn. Its not something I would ever do (don’t want to hurt anyone else, risk of being a vegetable). But I enjoy pondering it every now and again. It doesn’t get my heart racing. Its a solemn, what would happen kind of thought. On turns that suddenly become hairpinned, I get a crazy adrenal rush- and not the kind I care to repeat.