I really just need to vent out my problems to someone. I’m 15 and in high school, but I fucking hate my life. I hate my gender, my personality, and how i talk to people. Being on anxiety meds makes me talk more and when I talk, I say the stupidest shit. I hate being a guy and hate that people pertend that i’m not there. I swear everybody only talks to me out of pity. The only thing I can do is cut, but I’ve stop doing it as of late because it causes too many problems. I just hate myself and sometimes think of killing my self. If you read all of this I thank you for listening to my long and boring venting
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If you need to talk you can send me an email 🙂
panfu_96@hotmail.es
We all have our reasons for being here. Yours are as valid and important as anyone else’s. I was mostly a loner growing up, but I had a lot of casual friends. As soon as I was done with high school, I lost touch with all of them. Made some more casual friends in college, but as soon as I was done with that, I lost touch with them once again. To this day, I only have 3 friends that are true friends. Everyone else has just eventually left me. Including my fiancée and her kids. Some people are just meant to be like that, I guess.
Well if you think you’re passable enough-then consider changing your gender-since you’re still young, you will be able to pull it off better than someone older like myself.
People ignore you because you’re passive and you have low self-esteem. I used to go through something similar-I learned from my dad that I had nothing of value to say and I was worthless. So I carried that with me into other relationships and sure enough I was treated the same by others.
It’s only when I learned to be more self-confident and my true self, which is a fun, happy, kind, supportive person that people became nicer to me. Those that were scumbags to begin with, I dropped them. Remember other people esp at your age, have their own shit to deal with too.
Everyone says stupid shit-I mean really stupid shit, but they just cover it up better and act proud about every dumb word that falls out of their mouth. Becoming a mtf TS is very hard and full of challenges-but only proceed if you think you could pull it off. I’ve seen too many dudes who have that desire but just look like an ugly man in a dress…their turn themselves into a laughingstock and a potential target for bullying.
What anxiety meds are you on? Are you taking an benzodiazepines, and if yes, then what dose and how long? If taken for a long time, they can deepen depression and cause suicidal thoughts (happening to me now). Would have never considered doing such a thing before I was on benzos.
If you’re on benzos, find a Dr. who can evaluate your situation and help you taper off slowly. Stopping cold turkey is vey dangerous on those.
I wish I never got on any psych meds. All they do is make things worse. Hang in there, and get some help. It could be its the meds talking and thinking and not real you.