Do any of you have something or an experience you want? A dream you had once? Small ones or big ones?
I want to see my best friend live a happy life. Maybe have some of my poetry published. Move to NZ and have a child.
If I could.
If you were healthy, what would you do?
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I if would be healthy I would do what people most do, haning out with family, friends, gf etc. But the thing that I desire most is a fucking gun right now to finish this once and for all.
Some of the things i want seem out of my control and other things i want seem like a distant idea. Mainly i just want a happy loving relationship, i found someone who makes me happy i just feel like they complicate things for the sake of creating drama, and another dream i have is to be a successful author, but between the writers block and the stress over life and work i just dont seem to have what it takes anymore.
I’ve always wanted to be the benevolent dictator of a clothing optional island colony consisting of Victoria’s Secret lingerie models.
Sadly, this is not a job that ever gets advertised on Craigslist. I’d have to assert myself and/or create this position if I wanted to assume the title.
If I could be healthy right now — I don’t know. I have no idea. I’d let life lead me and take me across this astral space nugget and see all there is to see. Really feel it. Freedom yaknow?
I used to study to become an astrophysicist. All the meds have messed up my brain so much that it doesn’t seem likely I will be able to anymore. I see where you’re coming from.
An astrophysicist huh? That sounds wild. What does that entail?
A hell of a lot of math and astronomy. Essentially how the universe works, orbital patterns, predicting future outcomes, using knowledge to determine what other galaxies are like. Some metaphysics depending on the individual.
That’s fuckin cool. Why’d you stop? Depression?
I just realized you already answered my question. Meds can be quite damaging depending on what and how much you take. Also, having an honest, benevolent and responsible psychiatrist is a good place to start. One whom you can trust is key. So many people out there on horrible drug cocktails. So, I mean, I think ultimately it’ll take time but I strongly believe you can get back to where you were.
Thanks killswitchon. I have a great psychiatrist, and we’ve worked very well together. It’s always hard to experiment with new ‘cocktails’ because I respond so quickly and so intensely to drugs. It’s russian roulette for the most part.
Don’t be too sure it’s the meds. Depression changes your thought processes – trashes your focus and your working memory, and sacrifices speed and breadth of thought in favor of single-minded rumination.
I’ve been sure lately that my mind is also toast, but it seems like on days with lighter depression, I’m approaching my old capabilities – just with less stamina and lower mood.
Yes, I agree that depression has a great impact on the mind’s capabilities. Which is discouraging for me because my illness is chronic. That and the experience of losing what brilliance I had before has crushed my confidence to the point I don’t think it will recover fully. And without confidence in my abilities, I will not be able to progress much.
You want to move to new Zealand and have a child where you from nz is new Zealand eh
I saw your other post schizophrenia 222. I’m flattered, truly. And while I’m sure your plan is lovely in theory, I doubt we could be happy together.