If I can ask you to take a moment and answer my question, it would really help. My life up to where I am has not been good to me so far. I am a 17 year old male who and have been depressed for most of my life since I was little. I dont show that i am extremely sad and so I am a jokester to most of my “friends” and family. And the reason I say “friends” is because for all my life no one has had my back when push came to shove. I have not had a girlfriend or have gone out to a party, I have not been more than a “friend” to anyone. In school, I have had decent grades for most of my life, but since I was little, I have always had a plan to go to college off of an athletic scholarship through football, but as time goes on I start to realize that I am actully not all that great at the sport and am barely above average. But since my family thinks that I still have a shot at it, they still want me to push my hardest to make it a reality, when I know that it is not going to happen and should start looking for a job. My parents, I love them, but they push me the hardest out of all my siblings, and every time that I mess up, I get nothing but hate and ridicule from alot of places, from my parents to my sisters who join in on the action. As I get closer and closer to graduating, I get more and more terrified of what is going to come of my life, because apart from football, I have no backup plan. I’m thinking of killing myself because I don’t want to be a bother to anybody and don’t want to carry this sn my back for my whole life, but at least I actully know that I am a failure after writing and thinking about this.