Last night i tried to hang myself.
I did evrything right. No one was home, took the rope, tied it perfectly on the support. And did a slip knot on the other end. Put it across my neck and jumped. I felt myself going unconsious. And them black. All i could see was blackness. A few minutes later i regained consciousness. Evrything around me was moving, couldn’t even stand up. After like 10 mins or so i stood up and realised that i somehow managed to get myself off the noose. And my head swollen, neck swollen too, and my face it was like all the arteries and veins in face just blew up. I have problem swallowing anything from water to normal fruits. Probably damaged my trachea or something.
I am going to try it again today. But this time with sleeping pills. Taking sleeping pills, putting the noose around my head and waiting for the pills to knock me out. And then BOOM out of this world.
7 comments
Were you not fully suspended?
we’re not supposed to talk about methods,, but ur just as liable to end up in a bed bound, in
diapers, for the rest of your life. Do some some research. (The book Final exit canbe found ini torrents as can The Peaceful Pill Handbook. Killing oneself is relatively easy when you know what u’r doing.
On the other hand, you might also consider that you will not exist but for this short time that ur alive. I know well the desire for self-annihilation, I also know what it’s like to move beyond what we feel. It might seem like we are the same as what we feel,, especially when waking every day is f’g horror to go through again and again and again..seemingly never ending.
And we just wish we never woke up every day.
My advice is to stop identifying with what you feel, happiness of sadness. Stop focusing on it. What you focus on your give energy to. If life is truly unbearable, then seek help. After all, what we feel emotionally is the result of various neurotransmitters the brain is lacking or producing too much of. This goes for joy and sadness. You may surprised.. or it may not work,,but at least you’ll try. Every day wake and say, I am not this mind, I am not this body, I am not this ego, and sure as hell are not these feelings. Buddhism and simple silent sitting meditation also helped. The only panacea is to move beyond egoic impressions that arise in the mind until the mind it like a mirror (It already is like a mirror but with some training it becomes much more flexible and one learns to to attack or identify or quantify feelings.
Understand the frustration whole heatedly. If I had a gun, maybe I wouldn’t be typing this. If I had some ********, for sure I wouldn’t be. Hanging is supposed to be a sure thing, but the will to live buried deep inside can take over in the most sincerest of attempts. Doesn’t sound like you are fully suspending which I get, but sometimes feel it is necessary when you choose hanging. That is my route out, but it hasn’t been successful… obviously. Tried every position with noose modifications, but just when I get close, I save myself. My last 2 attempts have been the closest… hyperventilating first (like the pass out game) and then using the exit bag (helium) and a noose around my neck. I actually lost coordination and fell off the thing I was sitting on but quickly took the bag off and regained life. I started seeing stars… literally. Next is going to be the bag again, but hands tied behind my back using a carribiner and 2 pieces of rope like hand cuffs. It’s like you gotta anticipate what you know will happen and then do something to prevent it. Good luck bit I don’t think the sleeping pills will trick your saving mechanism… even whilst in a deep sleep, you will become alert to such a thing as being strangled with a rope. And for whatever it’s worth, if you do end up failing again and again, I hope you can find even a sliver of peace in this life.
Killing yourself is much harder than it looks. Even if you have the necessary desire to end it all, you have to find a method that is suitable for you. My previously chosen method has proven impossible for me. So I have to find a different way that I will be able to finally complete. Like I said, this is so much harder than it looks.
In the state you are in, i’d really recommend against it, even if it’s just to get a bit healthier and then trying again when you are in better condition. I know that it’s against the rules to discuss methods so i won’t, but i have to point out that from what you describe there’s more chances that you’ll end up with severe damage instead of dying. And i mean, brain damage/vegetable levels.
At least you managed to get of the chair. Yesterday I stood on a chair again but I couldn’t get myself to do it. I guess I’ll be standing on a chair again tonight. Wish me luck 😀
I said this to someone before on this site, but I want to say it to you, too: You don’t have to die to be free.