I’m so unhappy. I feel there must be something wrong with me in that I don’t have any friends or relationships, I have no one to talk to and I’m desperately in love with a person who does not give a shit about me. I feel worthless and guilty all the time and it’s devouring me. I can’t accomplish anything without being moderately intoxicated. I hate myself and feel like I don’t deserve to be alive. I try to change my thinking and I can’t seem to stop it, but I want to feel better so badly. I just want to feel okay with myself but it seems I can’t no matter how hard I try. I can’t think about anyone except myself anymore and the worst part is I’m not even a kid anymore, I’m almost 23 years old yet I feel like a helpless baby. I want to escape but I don’t have any money, I completely depend on my parents and I spent all the money I did have on “healthy food” this past school year, hoping that would make a difference. I want to change and be happy again…please help. I really like when people respond to my posts, it is probably the honest communication (or communication period) that gives me some hope. I’m really selfish, maybe one day I’ll be able to help someone else with their issues, but right now ‘one day’ doesn’t even feel like it could exist without being a continuation of this hell I’m in.
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Let me say this about being in love. When I turned twenty I was ready to marry my other half of three years, she was the most beautiful girl where I live everybody tries to get her. Then she cheated on me, and I spiraled out of life. Right afterwards I had something traumatic happen to me involving my health. For the next three years I longed SEVERELY for her, crying daily. Im twenty four now, but this past october I started seeing her out at a small bar in town, every weekend. I never thought it would happen but I got over her. How? Because I realized how terrible she is. If somebody youre “in love with” doesnt so much as check in on you after being hurt, or even acknowledge you, then they are LITERALLY not worthy of you or of even being a human because inside they are not beautiful. Kinda long sorry.
I understand. I want to be happy too. I’m sorry you’re feeling so unloved and worthless right now. Maybe all the inner turmoil could be distracted by trying the opposite and doing something unselfish. Perhaps respond to a post, clean up a room for your parents, or just go for a walk and smile at the happy dogs and children. When someone smiles back, it feels great.
I know this sounds impossible and you may be cursing me right now. But I do understand your pain and need to take my own advice. I want you to feel happy. Good Luck.