I like to consider myself recovered. However sometimes I still have the thought of suicide enter my brain. It catches me off guard. Sometimes I want to act on it. I don’t exactly want to die. I have a lot I will be leaving behind. I am so tempted to cut though. I crave it actually. I can’t because I’ll get caught by my boyfriend. He will see the cuts and I can’t stop him from seeing them. I want to cut and I hate that I do. I don’t want to get locked up again. Sometime I wonder if I do this all for attention. Maybe I’m actually a narcissist. I want to slice my skin open so badly. It calls me out. But do I do it?
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I am sorry you feel these feelings of suicide. Me too. I have come to realize that it is a way of self-comforting when I feel I have no other way. That is what is so hard- having desperate feelings at moments of crisis. I remind myself that I do not always feel this way.
Sometimes I journal about the feelings, to discover what is going on, to get it OUT!
I am glad you have people you don’t want to leave and you realize it. And you need to remember that you are a wonderful, loving person that you can’t leave either. You are too important to hurt.
Hold on, keep going and remember the better thoughts you have too!
Again, this is me too. All of this is what I am learning as I type this to you. See? YOU are important and I am too.