I recently have been feeling more screwed up than usual. I am honestly amazed that I haven’t been asked to leave my house. I am making my family’s life miserable, but they still attempt to love me. I wish that I could be a better person. We all know that it’s my fault that my family’s a mess at this point. I literally am a waste of space.
There are only a couple things keeping me on this earth:
1. My friend and her mom. They are the nicest people I have ever met, and they are the main reason I find hope in this world.
2. The saying that “Things get better”. I don’t know how true it is, but after 5 bad years, I could use things getting better.
3. Little things. These get me by day to day.
4. Distractions. Currently, I am learning German. Lots of distractions there.
5. The hope that I will eventually make things up to my family. Eventually I will be a better person
I can guarantee that I have fucked up more than you, no matter who you are. I fucked up so bad that I don’t even have the courage to say what I’ve done anonymously. So, hopefully you will find some hope in this. If I am this fucked up and people still have hope in me, you have someone who has hope in you.
4 comments
I truly hope that everything turns around and goes to plan for you. You come across as a caring person and I really hope that you can make it up to your family because you’re only human and you make mistakes like the rest of us. I hope things do get better for you. You’re not a waste of space, with such a caring personality I bet life has something good for you. I say you’re caring because of number 5 on your list. Ily even if I don’t know you
No one can tell you whether or not things will get better. It something we all have to fight for ourselves. That’s good, you sound like a fighter. I will say this, though. You’re arrogant. It’s understandable. I reckon more than 90% of us here have “fucked up more than” anyone else. Don’t fall into the all to common trap of seeing yourself as a horrible person. I’ll be arrogant for a moment and guarantee you that no matter what you think you did to your family, plenty of us have done 1000% worse to ours.
You sound like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Don’t let guilt destroy it.
If you have truly wronged your family, however, suicide will only make things worse.
There’s a reason why you’re here. You feel it deep in your heart. Don’t lose courage, friend. There is redemption. For both of us.
I know all to well how you feel…….but I must say this-you must not be that big of a piece of shit to be so upset over how you are treating other people. Only those who don’t give a dam about others feelings and go on inflicting emotional or physical pain on others are the ones who are worthless. You seem like a caring person and I would definitely try to stick around and see if it gets better. You know its funny but I never really knew the old saying “no matter how bad things are they can always get worse” well that has become all to real to me recently. You are a warrior