add it to the list

I’ve totally fucked my life. Over the past 7 years I’ve self-injured. At my worst I didn’t care if I lived or died, I just needed an escape. Something to shut up the voice in my head, and let me breathe again. Now I’m almost 20 and the career that I’ve dreamed about my whole life is impossible because of the scars I have. And I understand why it’s a PDQ, but that doesn’t help me not beat myself up for fucking this up. And I also know that my mental instability was caused by circumstances beyond my control and occurred at a time in my life where I had little knowledge of the deep rooted cause, and the repercussions of my coping mechanism. I’m watching (not literally) everyone around me enlist and I will never have that opportunity. No matter what I keep fucking up my life. It doesn’t matter what I do, what choices or progress I make, it’s never enough. This internal zero tolerance policy is making it hard to move past this.