“I’m afraid of dying” was something that I used to think and say a lot, but I have forgotten how it feels to be afraid and not ready to die.
For about 5 years, I’ve felt constantly sad. Can’t say I’m depressed since I’ve never been diagnosed, but I can say that feeling hopeless is now my “normal” feeling.
So I wonder, what is the normal “normal” feeling? It’s obviously not hopelessness, so what is it? I wish to love life again. Either that or just not live. It’s not like I’m actually living, anyways.
-V
3 comments
The normal feeling I think is a mild numbness of mind, cluttered by distraction to even realize what you’re living for and your purpose. Normal is probably preoccupied with work, friendships and distractions where you think that is what life’s goals are, a shallow Hodge podge of menial tasks and pointless activities and friendships that don’t really matter in the end. The only certainty we have in life is death… Nothing else… and all roads lead to it regardless of how good or bad your life is……
Ya that’s good what Forever_Uncertainty said. I think that mild numbness of mind is different for everyone. It could be just an empty mind. Everyone’s ’empty mind’ is the same, but when we start adding distractions, preoccupations, likes, dislikes, shallow hodge podge of menial tasks that’s when the trouble starts. Then we start comparing our hodge podge with each other’s hodge podge and making judgements. Troubles, depressions…yadda yadda.
If everyone could just keep their mind empty and not hold on to the hodge podge then maybe we’d be ok?
I use to dream of sanity.. Of normality.. Even to maybe one day to feel “happiness” ..
Now i simply dream of peace, nothing.. But peace.
To seek hapiness seems almost alien to me.. I’ve forgotten what that feels like.