I’m on the verge of giving up, everything is so messed up and I don’t know what to do anymore. I really want to self harm again but I’m scared that my mom will find out and send me to a mental hospital like my dad. When I was 12 my dad tried to kill himself in front of my family, I was horrified I didn’t know what to do and I guess I still don’t. I use to do a lot of drugs, I couldn’t function without them it was horrible. Two weeks ago I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me with her ex, she had sex with her the day before I left for California, the worst part she couldn’t tell me over the phone she had to text me it while I was still in California. then she blocked me on everything, it was so easy for her to do so its like I never mattered to her. The other day I had sex with my best friend who is dating someone, I feel horrible I don’t know what to do if her boyfriend finds out he will kill me, she says she doesn’t regret it but I know she does. Our whole relationship is ruined she hardly texts me now, only one word answers. I’m trying so hard to stay strong but I can’t anymore, I have no one I pushed them all away. I wake up every morning home alone, I’m forced to be alone with my thoughts. It’s getting to hard to even get up nothing is going the way it should. I’m scared that I nightt hurt myself again but I guess I’m more afraid of someone finding out.
3 comments
you will get past this
It’s good that you’re worried and scared about cutting again. It might be a good idea to reach out to someone who is stable and you find comfort speaking with. It’s good that you posted on SP… it’s a start. But it would be a good idea to reach out and talk to someone… talk it out. Contact a local crisis centre (hospital?), your local church reverend if you’re a church goer, a relative that you trust and so on. I am not a professional but talking it out can let out some of your pent-up emotions and help put things into perspective. I waited for many years before reaching out to someone–this is my fault–there are reasons for my delay. You don’t want to cut or hurt yourself from the words from your post–I don’t want you to either. You matter.
I am confident that you’ll get through this. It is however important for you to reach out to someone to talk with.
… depending on your relationship with your mother, you might be able to confide with her and tell her flat out that you are concerned for your safety. Telling her of what is going through your mind can help her understand you better. Talking is the first step. … remember that! Letting someone know will help ease your burden and you’ll get the support that you need right now.