Get over it.
Get over it.
Get over it.
Oh… well then, that changes EVERYTHING -_-
Why does everyone say that?
I’m not pissed because my team lost or some shit, I’m pissed because I want to fucking die, you asshole.
Yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when my employer fires me for no reason and rips me off, yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when some immature prick threatens to kill me on the street, yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when you insult me and everything about me, yes, I’m allowed to hold a grudge when someone breaks my heart completely and leaves me unable to trust anyone, least of all me.
I’m also allowed to cry, I’m allowed to get upset, I’m allowed to be vulnerable, I’m not sorry I have my ‘little *****’ moments, the fact that they don’t see that very often means I’m far stronger than most of them.
Everyone in my life assumes it’s either bullshit, or a little tantrum, or that ‘it gets better’ will do anything at all… because really, they don’t know, they don’t want to know, they just want to assume that because they think they’re happy, I’m happy, like I’m an appendage, and if I’m not happy, then I’m obviously faking it.
They don’t know it’s the other way round.
They will never know, and there’s no point trying to tell them, because that will only cause more pain.
Hardly anyone will know unless they feel/have felt the same, of course, that’s why I’m here.
I still don’t know what will make me feel better, to be brutally honest.
7 comments
I’m just going to offer as much honesty as I can here, and I mean no ill intent, so I’m just telling you that now.
I read what you wrote, and towards the end you used the word “never,” multiple times, but, how do you know they would never know? Unless you refer to that they would never know 100% as much as you know about yourself, because that’s honestly true. Driving to the knotty gritty, I won’t know what you’re thinking at this exact moment I type this. I don’t know what you’re looking at, what angle your head is tilted at, your breathing rate, your body position, your thoughts, what your mind looks like or how the connections work inside your brain either. It’s literally impossible to know, and even then you wouldn’t know 100% after a time. Rather…you would not remember, 100%.
That being said, you could attempt to communicate with whoever is currently in your life, maybe. Maybe it would cause you “more pain,” as you said, or maybe not. Maybe something else entirely. And if communicating doesn’t work, then try to communicate another way, or communicate with completely new people. You don’t need to find like-minded people. If something doesn’t work, then you adapt and find something else.
Food for thought.
Every time I tell my family, they never believe me, and even if they did, I’d have to tell them why, and I’d have to deal with them totally losing their shit.
My friends, well they’re trying, but they’re not much of a comfort.
I am communicating with new people, that’s why I’m here, and ‘adapting’ for me is just becoming less and less human, I know that’s wrong, but I don’t know how to do anything else.
Yes, you’re “allowed” to hold grudges … actually, you don’t need permission from anyone to do so – you’re “free” to do this as you deem necessary.
But why would you want to?
grudge
?r?j/
noun
1.
a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury
verb
1.
be resentfully unwilling to give, grant, or allow (something).
Why would anyone WANT to purposely maintain a PERSISTENT feeling of ill will?
Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand and appreciate that there are a bunch of people who as douchenozzles and deserve negative things to happen to them for their past transgression … but to hold a grudge does NOTHING to those people … it does EVERYTHING to YOU. You’re the one who feels like crap, You’re the one who is unpleasant to others, you’re the one who spends countless hours plotting and planning exquisite revenge scenarios in your mind.
Holding grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the OTHER person to die
You want to feel better? Let go of these grudges. Make no mistake, this does NOT mean you have to “like” the person who wronged you or forget the things they did. But every minute spent replaying the event that created the grudge, is a minute you are NOT focused on something pleasant and positive. Once something “happened”, it becomes history and we have not invented time machines to go back and change the past … so no matter how many times you replay the past event, the outcome will always be the same. All we can do is learn from our experiences how to recognize when something bad is going to happen and develop plans and processes to minimize or avoid altogether the negative effects of these bad things/people. Maybe even figure out ways to turn them into a positive … or make them blow up in the offender’s face so THEY get hurt and not us.
Once we’ve learned all there is from our experience there is zero reason to continue to keep it at the forefront of our minds … let it be relegated to history and move forward looking for and creating positive experiences and using our new lessons/plans to avoid/minimize future negative situations.
The choice is always yours … but when they say “let it go” ^^ this is what they mean.
Also, other people don’t “owe” you any level of ongoing sympathy – everyone generally wants to have a fun/good time … no one (including you) chooses to live in a purposefully negative state of mind, folks want to avoid that whenever possible. So at the very least, set your negative feelings aside or suspend them for a while when interacting with others who are looking to have a positive experience. Do this and you may find yourself having a good time too 🙂 you can always go back to being negative and holding your grudges at any time … but why bother?
Pack those grudges up and put them away so you don’t hurt people around you that had nothing to do with the reasons for your grudge in the first place.
harmony dawg
Hello,
You’re wrong, holding grudges keeps them away from me, or at least keeps me from giving them anything to hurt me with again.
I’m not at all impressed with the notion that I want ‘ongoing sympathy’, I’d just like it if someone actually tried, or at the very least, admitted they DON’T know what they’re talking about, instead of parroting whatever stock phrases/denials they can remember every single time I try to have a serious conversation with them.
I DO try and smile along with everyone else, or keep out of their way, and it’s worked out GREAT thus far… I’d just like to be honest without being made to feel like I’m pissing on everyone’s parade.
I wish I could let go, but it won’t do me much good.
I may look happy, but honestly, dear, the only way I’ll really smile is if you cut me ear to ear.
I can’t help but to disagree with your disagreement regarding grudges … one does not need to continually maintain “a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury” (grudge definition). One only needs to recognize that the person who caused the injury/insult is not welcome or useful in one’s life anymore and stay away from the person and not including them in any activities you choose to engage in. You don’t need to go through the mental exercise – and anguish – of reliving the transgression that helped you arrive at the truth that the person/transgressor is to no longer be an active or even passive participant in your life.
It’s no different that touching a hot stove for the first time – it’s hot, and it burns/causes injury – but once we’ve experienced that pain – we don’t go out of our way to relive it every time we see a stove – same goes for anything that caused us pain or injury – we learn from it and move on without reliving the moment of pain. Same can be done with people in most cases
Stove = Hot = Burn
Joe = Thief = No money
See, if Joe came to your house and you two were drinking beer watching the ball game on TV and he got up and used the bathroom/loo and he swiped your paycheck off your dresser and left you with no money to pay rent or buy food and you got sick from malnutrition and almost got evicted from your home … yeah – that is painful and hurtful – I agree … and Joe is a worthless thieving piece of garbage – I agree …
But the next time you see/hear and/or think of Joe … you don’t need to rerun the whole scenario and painful result … you just say:
Joe = Thief = Avoid … Done!
And move on.
That’s NOT, in any way, letting Joe off the hook or reconciling or excusing or giving Joe a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th chance. … just … done.
What does this do for you? It means you don’t waste time and energy focusing on a past bad act and gives you more time to focus on something positive and pleasing that has the possibility for future pleasantness.
If you dwell on the past act of Joe and all it’s consequences – of COURSE it’s going to depress and cause you to be in a negative frame of mind … and probably make you appear to be sour to those around you … and every time you do this, you make the scenario fresh and raw in your mind instead of letting it fade into the past and eventually into oblivion – you don’t need to do all that on a regular basis to simply say/think “Joe = Thief = Avoid” from no til the end of time.
As for your point of people parroting stock phrases – I totally agree with you on that – but human nature is to try and think/say something vs. appearing unintelligent/helpless. Problem is, They end up looking more unintelligent by throwing out the stock phrase than they would by admitting they just don’t know … we agree there … the difference is, when someone I know does something like that, I translate what they say into “I have no earthy idea what to say and have no experience to say it” … and knowing they are clueless, I just end that part of the conversation so as to not to let them say more stupid shit 😉 I accept them as being ignorant and unhelpful to my query.
Regarding “Letting go”: it’s not about how much good it will do … it’s more about the harm that “holding on” does. “Holding on” is “poison” (a negative – ) … “Letting go” is “NOT poison” (neutral 0) … what you choose to replace it with … that’s where the potential for the positive (+) is. Think of it like a number line graph … where each grudge/negative adds one (-1) to the negative side of the line … each grudge you let go removes that negative (-1) and gets you back towards zero (0):
Sad Happy
-3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3
Unfortunately, other people go out of their way to “not get involved” and to not focus on problems – especially when those problems are someone else’s … so trying to “get” them to focus on your issues is usually a tall order, especially if the event/activity is not conducive to such discussion … like drinking/dancing/watching live music. In scenarios like that, you’re better off trying to set your issues aside and try to enjoy the moment of revelry and companionship and save the more serious discussions for a more quiet, distraction free moment.
Good luck
math dawg
Hopefully, here is more number line graph:
Sad < … -3 … -2 … -1 … 0 … 1 … 2 … 3 … > Happy
If this doesn’t appear – my apologies but hopefully you “get” what I’m trying to convey 🙂
html dawg
What you’re going through is something a lot of people go through. You’re not alone.
Find something that makes you happy. If the people around you don’t make you happy, then don’t try and convince yourself that they do.
Holding grudges isn’t always a bad thing, and I understand where you’re coming from when you say that. And you don’t always have to get over things–I don’t like moving on from past experiences. Some people just don’t understand it, yeah? Unless they’ve been through the same thing.
Just know that you’re not the only one experiencing this, you’re not the only one who cries themselves to sleep every night, you’re not the only one who holds grudges against almost anything, you’re not alone.
Find comfort in knowing that you’re never alone in what you’re doing, if you’re doing something you regret or something that upsets you, or something of the complete opposite, you’re not alone.
Find something that makes you happy and hold onto it. Make them your comfort, your motivation. Stay strong.