my long story that will go unheard

I guess it all started when I was sixteen; funny thinking how long ago it seems even though I’m only 20 now, Or maybe before. I was never happy as a kid, dad never around, mom always at work, an abusive grandfather. It was when I was sixteen that I decided to do something about it. I ran away. I ran away from Arizona and took the greyhound to long beach. I don’t know what my actual plan was once I got there but regardless everything went wrong. I ended up having to get surgery to save my life and spent almost the whole month of September in the hospital there, when I was well enough my mom took me back to Arizona, back to hell. I’ve always smoked weed and drank and have done pills, well from thirteen on and when I got back I started partying a lot.and that’s when I met the girl of my dreams. We immediately started dating, I moved in soon after because her dad was gone on the road all the time because he drove a semi. We had a long strenuous rode. A lot of fighting, drama, and of course great sex. Our eighth month together we found out she was three months pregnant. We were both seventeen. Her mother tried to make her have an abortion and she would have to if I wouldn’t have fought so hard. I turned eighteen later that year and so did she. We stayed together through the pregnancy and stayed in love, it was a special time even though it was laden with fighting. On new years eve I proposed, she said yes. The next morning she went into labor and our daughter was born and I lived happily ever after, not. When my daughter was four months old her mother cheated on me, I had a break down..i got a plane ticket to Alaska and left. I spent eight months there and worked as a contractor. It was a cold depressing time, I worked hard at times not to shoot myself in the head..my daughters birthday was coming up and I couldn’t take being alone any longer so i went back. Things didn’t workout so I left again, I went to Alaska, Washington,Oregon and California and now here I am again on my third try. She moved me back in, living together as a family again. It was great, key word was. She always ruins our good times with little comments about how I left her and my daughter. I know I’m a piece of ahit for it but here I am working and taking care of the both of them, treating them like queens. I literally think to myself everyday what can I do to make her happy today. And today it came to a climax. She said some things about me leaving, I lost it and told her it wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t of cheated and now here I am, sleeping on my friends couch. I plan on killing myself Friday. I’m going to take four xanax bars, at least thats the plan..and that’s my long story, may not sound so bad but I promise the actual details are something out of a Shakespeare play