I think about killing myself every single day, and I don’t think it’s gonna go away. I think about where I would do it, how I would do it, and who is even worth leaving my last few words for. I just don’t think I’ll make it passed high school anymore, I will be dead by then. And the thing is, I’m okay with that.
If my friends and family woke up one day and found out that I killed myself. Would they care? I don’t feel like they would honestly.
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Honestly I don’t plan on making it threw high school either. My plan is to wait until I turn 17 and if I’m still alone then I will end it. I’m just like you, thinking of suicide every single fucking day.
But honestly I don’t think that either of our friends will care, because they won’t even find out in the first place.
Exactly, I feel like if I try and make my suicide even slightly public. People will think I want attention. But they’ll find out, if they care. But they don’t so they probably won’t. I don’t care either way. As long as I’m out of this world. I think everything will be better off without me.
That’s why its hard to tell someone that you’re going to commit suicide, because even if it becomes slightly public and you still don’t do it. It would make your life even worse. That’s one of my biggest fear.
That’s exactly how I felt in high school, and before it. I almost did kill myself in high school, and I almost killed someone else too. I wish I could say it gets easier or that it all makes sense, but it really doesn’t. What I used to do with my free time before I became handicrippled was try to make the lives of others better in any way I could. Free yard work and caretaking for the elderly, babysitting for some of the single and/or poor parents at the church I used to go to, volunteering to feed the homeless or walk dogs at the animal shelter.
It’s all meaningless, none of it takes away what you feel for even a moment. But it does do something great, it puts more good into a world with very little left in it. When you see tears in the eyes of someone in a terrible situation but those tears are out of joy because they had a need and you were the only person willing to do anything about it…it doesn’t make things any easier, but it makes you realize how much better you can make the circumstances of someone else and it gives you a reason to stick around just a little bit longer, so you you can leave just a little more light in this world before you go.
My god that sounded cheesy, sorry for that, I just don’t have a better way of saying it.
That’s exactly why I’m staying in this God forsaken planet. To do enough good before my birthday…. Before my death. So that more people would seem to care about me and come to my funeral.
Some things or people are worth living for. Maybe you should find yours. I don’t think I have the right to tell you not to kill yourself since I have suicidal thoughts but I’ve always been a hypocrite. If you need to talk to anyone about what you’re feeling or just to rant about random things, I’m sure someone will be there to just listen. Sometimes that’s all you need. I’d be happy to just listen to you if I knew you. I think you should tell someone close to you about your suicidal thoughts. It can honestly get better. At least try talking to someone so they can help you through it. What do you have to lose? It may or may not affect you but you never know until you try. You may feel alone but maybe you’re not.
Hello,I m going through the same situation.I am 23.I have dropped out of college,I have no job.I haven’t even left my apartment for the last 2 weeks.I don’t have any friends or any relationships,never had and never will.I am done.I can feel what u r going through.I am a very mentally weak person.I fuck things up.I have messed up my entire life.I have done,this life for me is over.I can’t wait for my birthday,I have to do it soon.