I just returned home from a friend’s house. I had an amazing weekend, it was the first one in a while…
So, I’ll get to the point of why I’m here, because honestly if I had just only had a great weekend no offense but I wouldn’t be here- not on this site.
I walk through the door, after just having locked my car and everything and coming inside, and my sister in law is already talking about me to my brother. She seen me come inside, she knew I was there.
“She snapped at Brook” my brother asked how she knew if I did because I just got home “Brook went out there to talk to her, said she did.”
No, I did not snap at that fucking kid. Not yet at least, but now I’m tempted to just for the fun of it. Fuck being a good kid anymore, I’m really just so done. One day, I won’t come home ever again. I don’t want to be here, fuck this house, fuck this town, fuck it all. I literally just came in the house and went straight to my prison cell (aka bedroom, but I’m locked in here enough it might as well be a cell) I didn’t do a god damned thing to any of them. What little bit of a happy mood I had left over was completely crushed. On top of that, they seem to not be able to do one fucking thing with our family without drinking. Like, I get it, being drunk is fucking amazing; but there’s a line. You don’t just drink every god damned weekend and get so drunk you fight or hurt people.
But, then again, I can’t say shit.
I wish I was high, or drunk, or both all the time… Kind of pathetic, a kid wishing to be drunk or high so they don’t have to deal with reality, but fuck it. Everyone else can have their escapes, they took one of mine, at least let me find happiness within my little prison cell.
One of these days, I’m not going to come home. I’ll leave, and just never return, because fuck this all.
I’m sorry for taking up your time, thank you for reading my little rants. It makes me feel less alone in this mess. I love you so much, I don’t care if I’ve never met you, know that I love you.
7 comments
Thanks for sharing. I have that same sort of situation happen here whenever a family reunion takes place and i’m far from being a kid anymore (luckily that doesn’t happen often). The only thing i do about it is walk away (even if it is to go outside and walk aimlessly) so i don’t have to deal with their usual bs. I hope you eventually find a way to deal with it too.
Family reunions always start fun then it would suddenly leave you depressed. I don’t know why but family reunions always make me depressed. So I’m not too keen on it.
I understand that a lot, my views are much different than my family… They always seem to make me sad. I try walking away but it never really works, I’m always pulled back into it all.
Yes. I just don’t know how to run with them. Like you said, our minds are just too different to be mutual.
And every time, some of my relatives eyes me differently. Full of hatred.
So I guess, we’re kinda in the same boat. Good luck with us then.
Thank you for sharing and the love.
There was a time I want to run away so bad or get addicted to drugs so I can escape.
But then, I realized if I depend on drugs, won’t I become like my father? The childhood that I hated.
So I chose not to. Well that’s that.
Stay strong 🙂
Hey, I’ve been in your shoes so many times. They get angry at you for something you haven’t even done yet. It sucks. I always get falsely accused. But keep your chin up. Don’t let their words get to you. It’s time to be the driver of your own heart. Keep it under YOUR control, and not theirs. Find ways to make yourself happy without hurting yourself. I know it’s not going to be easy at first, but keep trying until you master the art of having control over your feelings. Soon, you can keep yourself relaxed no matter how provocative people may be.
Thank you so much for the kind words, it does mean a lot to me. I’ll keep hanging on, and trying. I’m trying to make a change for myself, it’s just my demons followed me to my new start. Thank you again.