One day soon

I can feel it in my palms, the way they sweat more than usual. Like when I’m anxious (always) they get a little clammy. But these past few weeks I’ve had this feeling. That strange feeling , its even difficult for me to comprehend. & I feel it in my gut everyday. Ya’ know, most people tell me “don’t do it, you’re selfish if you do.” “you’d kill yourself over a person who killed themselves? that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” But the truth is, it’s not the dumbest thing a person has heard. Especially if that person was now left alone, due to the fact that their one and only friend had passed because she was not happy on earth. & every god damn day since that day, that day when i found out. I blame it myself. And the worst fucking part is that i know she’s gone , but like….I swear to god I could’ve done something. If i had just answered that text that one night I was getting drunk on my parents roof with my ex boyfriend , & all of the sudden, she was gone. Just like that. But honestly, without a doubt , she was and will always be in my heart forever. Even after I’m gone too, She’ll be the first person i look for when i get to where im going. So, with that being said. It is now 1:14 AM and it’s officially Monday August 10th 2015 & I think this has been a “ehhh” kinda rant, so I’m sorry if i wasted your time and all, but good night/morning!!