I really hate the word reality. I hate when my mom storms in to my room and tells me that lying in bed and taking naps all the time isn’t reality. She tells me I have to get up and sometimes I feel like I can’t. I don’t want to and it would be heaven if I could stay in my bedroom forever. It’s my safe place and I feel like no one can hurt me here. Today my mom came in to my room and she told me I had to start working on my summer reading project for school. School is probably the biggest source of anxiety for me. Last year I couldn’t go to the last two weeks of school because I was so afraid. And that book and its assignment are a symbol of school so of course I didn’t want to do it. I couldn’t do it. For the past 4 days or so (idk it’s all kind of a blur) she has been on my back about this project. Every day she gets more irritated with me and she finally almost broke completely today. So after she told me I had to read, I kept saying no and that it makes my anxiety worse and she can’t understand. Then after repeatedly telling me to get out of bed and do my shit, she took all of my stuff (phone, laptop). That meant I couldn’t escape reality through music and funny Instagram posts that make me smile as well as SP. At least I still had my bed. Until she got so fed up with me and had tears in her eyes. Then she went on a rant (like me right now lol) about how she has anxiety too and this is her weekend and she wants to have fun, not busy making sure I’m doing my homework and that I’m not sad. That annoyed me because she’s my mom. She shouldn’t tell me about this she should tell her therapist because it just makes me feel guilty and gives me more anxiety because I’m hurting someone. But it also was relieving because it was something different than being yelled at. She kept almost crying and bugging me to get out of bed and go on a walk with her if I wasn’t going to do homework. I said no and curled up in my bed. Then she kept saying “Pleeassse!!” and almost crying and my only response was to laugh. Not at her but the situation of my life right now. I’m a depressed and anxious teenager with a brother who has found his way into my horrid life of depression and anxiety too. So not only my brother and I are depressed and anxious, but my mom has anxiety too. Plus my dad is a narcissist (we don’t live with him, parents divorced, he’s a grade-A asshole) to add on to our fucked up lives. Please excuse my language it’s a problem sometimes. Eventually I did get out of bed and we went for a walk and then she lectured me on how it’s not abnormal for girls my age to feel the way I do. That sort of pissed me off because it makes me feel weak that everyone else goes about life normally but I have to miss several weeks of school because I’m not mentally stable. So I never did my homework and school starts in 2 days. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to go or if I’ll be excused from my assignment somehow because of my anxiety. I’m sort of numb right now but I’m worried I’ll break down tomorrow night before I sleep with the thought of school the next day. I’ll be heading back to reality. Ugh. I’m afraid and I don’t really know what to do. I would be so psyched though if my mom would let me do online school. Anyway I’m kinda worried to see how my emotions will play out tomorrow. I didn’t really mean for this to turn out very long but it did, grrr. Sorry and thanks for taking the time to read this if you did.