Ive pondered suicide countless time and time again but somehow i never can go though with it. I feel so alone and in such a big world where no one else is like me. Everyone is either to good for me or doesnt want anything to do with me. I try so hard to put a smile on my face everyday and please and brighten everyone eleses days around me yet somehow i never get the same in return. I dont want to sound like a brat because i knew many people are so much worse off then i amci just cant stop feeling completely lost and alone and having no direction that makes sense for me to go in, maybe i should have just given up in high school.
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It doesn’t matter is someone else has it worse than you do, that shouldn’t invalidate your pain. To make other people smile and brighten their day is such a beautiful thing for you to do, but it is hurtful that no one returns the favor. You deserve to smile and have a bright day as well, it’s amazing how selfish people can be. How they never ask how you’re doing or if you need help.
Feeling different and not being able to connect with people, it’s something everyone on this site is facing as well. Everyone seems to go along with daily lives, have relationships, and we’re just lost in the crowd wondering which way to go and who to hold onto.
You didn’t sound like a brat. I can understand how lost you feel. Trying to find a way out of the darkness is never easy. I suppose we can keep searching but that becomes tiring. Best wishes, I hope you feel safe enough to share your feelings here.