FAILED! I’m back

Friday night I said goodbye to SP. after the recent stuff that went on, I lost patience on my suicide plan. I went upstairs, and then took a bunch of pills. The intention of the pills was not to kill me but to sedate me so I could suffocate myself. Didn’t work! So I went up and took more and than when I was heading back down stairs, my aunt cought me before I could use my Halloween bag. She said “come here let me look at you”. I came to her and said what? She was like “WHAT DID YOU TAKE? OMG YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR DYING YOUR EYES ARE DIALATED AND YOUR SKIN LOOKS LIKE YOUR MAWMAWS DID AT HOSPICE”. Then I tried for 15 mins to convince her I didn’t take nothing. She tried to set down in my room with me I said get out. She then found my Halloween bag. She started freaking out and rushed up stairs. I than went to hide in the back yard, which is pretty big and on a slope. I sat there, looking at the stars, smoking a cig and hoping that the meds might kill me or I can try again when I get in. The bag would have worked but the meds wouldn’t so I knew I was in deep shit!

THAN I saw heard police cars and than came lights shining down from all directions towards my back yard. I figured it was the cops. For a split second I was thinking about suicide by cop, but than thought – what if they shot me in the spine and paralyzed me? SOOO I gave myself up. They asked me what was wrong and I admitted thst I took s bunch of pills. Than they directed me up stairs to an ambulance. I figured since I the meds I took wouldn’t kill me and I was gonna live anyway, I might as well cooperate. They rushed me to the hospital and gave me an IV flush. They then sent me to a room on suicide watch at the ER – that means no shutting the curtains all the way and a bright light in there. Also it means people rushed in ever 30 mins to check on me.

They than put me in an isolation room after I was stabilized. I layer in the isolation room for hours until they decided to commit me. They said they would like it if I go voluntarily. So I did. I cooperated with everyone. I did find out one thing – everyone there liked me, I made em laugh and we had really intelligent conversations. Got 5 phone numbers and went to meetings. I was forced out of my comfort zone and adapted well. Me and this guy Mitchel are talking about going fishing after he’s released tomorrow.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I guess I’ll give this thing called life another chance. I still want to be a huge part in the right to choose campaign. I still believe it should be a personal choice.