Rant…

I always thought that the majority of my reasons is because of me… How broken and misserable i am… But now i realize… You are the reason why im completely broken and why im misserable…. Coz you’re a parasite… You suck me dry of my ambitions… How could i have energy to make my life better when each day you fill me with hate anger and resentments. I spend soooo much time with self pitty and crying. I spend so much energy pretending to be happy… And you know what… I cant pretend anymore… You wonder why i nag??? Well maybe coz the things you do… Repeatedly a five year old could do better. Your only job is to prepare for her lunch in school… Pour some cereal and milk… And wait for the bus. So that i could spend even just an hour more to sleep. So that i could slave at work all day and pay for everysingle thing… All the bills… Food… Your cigarettes… EVERYTHING… And you cant even do it right. When you do come across money by conning people… Specially your parents… Do you even buy anything for the house… For me??? NOTHING… I live in fear of you going back to jail… Or your leg getting amputated coz you wont stop scratching your wound.. And you going into coma from all the coke you drink even though youre diabetic. I live in fear of being stabbed by you… I am costantly repressed. And you say drugs has no effect on you? You steal from everyone… And claim everything as yours… You have no concience. You are pure evil. And your useless druggie friends that you bring home near the children!!!! How dare you risk their lives…. My life too… I am going to be so much better without you. I dont need to leave this earth… I just need to leave you… Being alone is way better than to be misserable with you. I have waited for years… You will never change… Im only fooling myself… No matter what i do or say… It does not matter… Coz you dont care. And you never will… I should not be building my strength to kill myself… I should be building my strength to leave you…. Your incompetence is killing me… Funny… Coz if you ever find this site and read this you wont even understand what i said… Im hopeless… Actually YOU are hopeless.