Depressed

i was so depressed and stressed that i made myself sick. i was in and out of the doctor for 4 years. i was throwing up almost everyday for 4 years. i had an ulcer. i had headaches all day and night. i was so depressed that i became sick. it is a sickness but i did not realize my depression was the reason for my illnesses. i thought i was dying, i thought something was really wrong with me when in reality it was just my mind. it was me making myself sick and in a way i new it. i figured if i was sick enough someone would care. i thought my life would be better if i was sick. i grew more and more depressed, but i couldnt keep putting myself through that. i hated myself so much for so long. i still do but i am working on myself. i am trying. i want to turn my life around. i want to be happy. all i have ever wanted was to be happy and loved. and one day i will. i just have to keep working on loving myself. i have to learn to let people in, to allow other people to love me. i need to learn that it is okay to feel this way sometimes but that i should love myself rather than hate myself. i need to make myself better before this depression takes over my life.