Depressing pre-bday post

So I have always hated my birthday and it’s coming up next week.  I see a lot of birthday posts on here and thought I’d add mine.  For the first 15 years of my life I celebrated my birthday with the birthday of the man who was molesting me, we ate cake together, laughed, played and…  other stuff.  For the next 15 years I prayed for my own death and even attempted it with one serious attempt that left me with broken bones…  BUT last year was good even though I struggled and this year even though I am struggling I think it will be a better birthday than the first 15 years or even the second 15 years.  SO the big 32 for me will be a landmark in my life, right?  And I won’t commit suicide on my birthday, right?  I could rant all day but I don’t want to burden anyone, I just want to leave a hopeful message out there tonight because I feel like we could all use a little hope.  Yesterday I felt like I could take my own life and today is a better day.  It DOES get better, there ARE good moments.  My niece sat in my lap and giggled uncontrollably tonight and that makes me glad I didn’t off myself yesterday.  Lets make more good moments.