This week. 1 arrest under the mental health act. 2 trips in a police car. 2 trips to the ED. 1 trip to the mental hospital.
I don’t mean to wallow in my own self pity, but, any chance of a hug.
Currently in the ED again waiting to be collected by mental health crisis team.
43 comments
rough week…. hugs
Hugs. Doesn’t sound fun.
I don’t believe we’ve met before, but it sounds like you’re not going to have a great weekend. Hugs!
Ahh hugs for you. I hope things start to look up my friend xoxo
Thanks everyone. Sometimes it’s difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Alone and in the dark can be a scary place.
I’ll high five you, does that work?
A mind filled with hope by the mental health team destroyed in seconds by the shame of returning home to an empty house and seeing your own blood everywhere.
That’s awful, koki. I’m sending you a big, big hug.
A hug really isn’t enough. I wish there was something else I could do. I hope those feelings of returning home fade away. Please hold onto the hope if you can.
Thanks everyone. Its all cleaned up now. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. I need it to be a good day.
Good luck for tomorrow. 🙂
I am a bit late but *hugs*. I hope today is a good day for you.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
It feels inevitable that i will stab myself again today.
Don’t do that. Contact the crisis team?
Any form of affection, even verbally expressed hugs are foreign to me and make me uncomfortable so I can’t give you that but I send you my best wishes and this inspirational poem. I do hope things improve for you soon.
Don’t Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit!
Ive pushed the self destruct button. I’m on my way.
I don’t know what to say. I wish you could reach out to someone that can help. I just wish you strength. Maybe keep talking here if you can so at least you’re not alone.
Thanks for your words bruiseviolet. I’m trying to keep it together the best I can. I feel I am shutting down.
I have lit a candle for you and am thinking of you. You’re not alone.
Thankyou. That means a lot. I look at my bandages, it makes me wonder what the hell am I doing. Who the hell am I. I am so ashamed of who I am.
It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. You deserve help. You deserve to be okay.
Unfortunately you dont know me. Or maybe thats fortunate. I’ve done bad things that make me a despicable person. So no, I don’t deserve any help. I deserve all then pain in the world and I won’t stop until I have all that pain. I decided to do those bad things. Now I must suffer the consequences of those actions.
And if the consequences of those actions is my death, then so be it. Im ready.
🙁 I’m sorry koki
You must be sorry that you did those things or you wouldn’t be punishing yourself. If you are sorry then you aren’t entirely despicable or evil.
I am sorry. I am so sorry. So sorry I am willing to trade my life to be forgiven.
Even if you have done some bad things, that doesn’t make you evil. That doesn’t make you worthless, it doesn’t mean that you have to suffer. It doesn’t mean you have to go.
Love to you, koki. Everything bruiseviolet said is spot on. Whatever you’ve done, it shouldn’t lead to your pain or death.
I have judged and passed my own sentence. By the time the law catches up with me, I will have carried out my own sentence. I know what I deserve.
Thankyou everyone for your kind words of encouragement and support, but this isn’t going to end well for me. Im sorry to let you all down.
I think very few people deserve to suffer. The ones that do never feel any sorrow for their actions.
Whatever you did, you are clearly eaten up by it. I think you might be judging yourself too harshly. I don’t think this is a sentence you deserve.
You didn’t let us down, koki. This isn’t something that we wish on you. We don’t have disappointment, we have sorrow.
I don’t think your death will help anyone. I really hope you can make it through the pain and regret. The thought of you feeling like this, and the thought of you dying, is very sad. Whatever happens, you couldn’t let any of us down. I’ll be thinking of you.
If you can just find a way through each hour the hours will add up. Maybe things aren’t as bad as they seem.
Im not scared of dieing. Im scared of living. I am such a fraud. All the people suffering for no fault of their own and i am expecting pity. What right do I have to pity or help. I am an appalling human being.
No, you’re not. It’s clear that you’re not all bad, so you really can’t be called that.
You aren’t appalling, you’re another flawed human being, koki. I know, living can be terrifying, there’s so much uncertainty even when you can guess what could happen. You have the right to help because you are hurting, just like the rest of us. We all make mistakes, and some of us pay dearly for them, that doesn’t mean you deserve to be miserable. I think you are judging yourself too harshly.
Everybody. Thank you for caring and talking to me. Everytime I sink, I sink deeper and deeper. Ive got myself to a calm, beautiful and peaceful spot on the coast with a coffee and a good book. The sun is shining and I feel safe again. I love you all. xoxoxoxo
🙂 I am glad to hear that koki. That sounds like a nice place to be right now. I hope you feel safe for a while. I’ll be thinking of you. xx
I hope you can stay there for a while. 🙂
That is great 🙂
I’m catching up on posts today. I’m sending a giant hug out to you right now. ((((hug))))))