I thought maybe over time I could forget about him. Just distract myself until I forgot. But it’s not even been 3 months since he left and now I’m just empty.
I feel nothing for anyone or anything. I don’t get irritated when customers complain at work . I don’t get mad over things that I’d usually be pissed off at.
I can’t even cry. I mean, I do the motions, but no tears come. I finally told my best friend this, just to let her know what was going on. Then she tells me that she had been hospitalized a year ago for trying to kill herself. I didn’t even care. I didn’t feel sadness or worry. I felt nothing.
I don’t feel human anymore.
When I’m at work, if it’s slow, I’ll sit there. Just staring at nothing. All I think about is memories, times when I was happy. But they hurt to think about. I always think it’s only a few minutes, but it’s usually a few hours. How can a person sit there, staring at nothing for hours without realizing it?
I haven’t tried to kill myself yet because I keep hoping that he’ll come back. And because I’m scared. If I don’t succeed, people will know what I tried to do. I don’t want them asking questions.
For anyone that’s survived a suicide attempt, how long was your hospital stay. And if you were admitted to a pysch ward, what was it like and how long did you stay there. I’d like to be prepared, just in case.
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4 comments
That sounds like truly horrific depression. I feel the same in a lot of ways. Given that you already felt bad before the break up, it’s no wonder that it’s taking time to forget. Sometimes just when you think things can’t get any worse, you feel a tiny bit better about the situation and things start moving forward. I hope that happens to you, or you find someone to help you with it. I can’t help out with the psych ward question. It must depend where you live, too. Generally I hear about people getting out within a couple of days to a week. I hope it doesn’t come to that. x
The hospital visit can be sometimes a same day release, and sometimes it’s an over night thing. If there’s a lot of instability, they would keep you until you were stable. The mental hospital is easily 3 days, and up to 14. Under extreme cases, which are incredibly rare, they could try to keep someone for 30 days, called a “conservatorship” which I only bring up to be complete, highly unexpected for a suicide attempt to come to that. I would not count on it being less than 14 days, as a lot of places are happy to hold on to folks, but not surprising if it’s much sooner.
Have you talked to a dr? A professional might be able to give you solid advice. Can’t hurt to try that route. I hope things get better.
Thanks. I haven’t talked to a doctor recently. Within a few years