I live with my mum. I don’t speak to my dad much. He ruined my life, quite literally. I wont go in to detail, but he destroyed my childhood, which still seems to be effecting me now, at 15 years old.
He turned up at my house the other week, dragging so much of my past back up. I haven’t spoken to him properly for over a year now, and he had the cheek to tell me, his daughter that he doesn’t know and hasn’t known for over 6 years, that I’m depressed.
I mean, I personally think there’s something along the lines of that there, but he had no right.
I mentioned it to my mum as she wasn’t there when he said this (he said it twice), but she seems to think I’m fine.
I took that as my chance to hint at it – a call for help, and she left it, said nothing more about it.
I lost my friends the other week. I guess we’re okay now, but I’m never going to forgive them for the things that they said. They will always be at the back of my mind, haunting me, telling me what a horrible friend I am and how much they hate me, when they tell me that they love me and that they’re glad that they met me.
Nothing is going right.
A few months ago, I thought things were looking up for me. It seems not.
The guy that I’m interested in (who also seems to be interested in me???) is depressed. I haven’t opened up to him, but he has to me, which I’m grateful of because I want to help him. I told him a little about my past, but I try to act as though it doesn’t mean much to me anymore. Hes been diagnosed, he needs my help, he needs someone to be there for him. I don’t. I doesn’t matter if I did. I wouldn’t let them.
I have this constant fear that hes going t drop me like a pen and I’m going to end up worse off than before. No one ever likes me like this and I’m scared. I have this feeling that I should stop things here. Push him away like I’ve pushed everyone else away so that I’m not attached to anyone if I get to the stage where I want to kill myself.
I don’t know what to do.
Things are hard for me sometimes, just as they are for everyone. I just wish people would see how much I was struggling.
5 comments
What’s done is done. Focus on your future and enjoy the present. You’re 15 and have a life ahead. And if this guy dumps you, move on, i’m sure someone else will love you.
Id like to think that, but I dont believe it will ever happen.
I cant help but dwell on the past, it has so much to do with how my future pans out, if i live to see it
I think you should tell the guy you like that you think you’re depressed. He’s talked to you about being depressed and it might help just to be able to tell someone – and know that they’ll understand. I can understand the reasons why you’re worried about getting close to someone, but try not to worry. You might miss out on things you could have now if you worry too much about the future.
Your mum doesn’t realise how much you’re struggling. You could be more specific about the way you feel, or maybe you could talk about it to a doctor or counsellor. Don’t keep it bottled inside.
I would talk to a doctor or a counselor but they, by law, have to tell my parents as im 15. I just wish I found it easier to open up to people, id be able to get help.
Once me and him get a little closer, maybe I will tell him, or hint at it, just right now, i dont know if i can cope with someone else leaving me, thankyou though
All I can say is that pushing people away may not be the best thing to do at this time… You may end up alone with your thoughts, and that could make things worse.. When you overthink about all the things that could happen, it will weight you down… I hope that you can find the right person or group of people to help you.. The people on SP always have great advice and will always be there to listen….