Follow up from my last post where I admitted to my sister I needed mental help. Usually admitting you need help is a great first step to getting better. I guess that all really depends on who you admit it to, though, and I made a huge mistake in my choice apparently.
It took a lot of courage for me to come forth and admit to one person, whom I thought I could trust, that I wasn’t okay and I needed help. I have depression and severe anxiety, so when I say it took a lot of me to tell just one person, I mean it took everything I had.
Anyway, my sister took it upon herself and made the decision to tell my whole family. Apparently she thought that would be best. I mean, what depressed and severely anxious person wouldn’t like their issues broadcasted throughout their entire family?
There’s many reasons I told her and not anyone else in my family.
I don’t talk to my parents about this stuff I deal with because they don’t know what to do about it except make it awkward by trying to help. They’ve never dealt with this before so they haven’t the slightest idea what to do. And I knew if I told them, they would feel like bad parents, but it’s not their fault and I didn’t want them to feel that way.
My sister freaking told them though. And now they feel bad and think they failed me as a parent. I asked her why she told them and she said, “I’m worried about you and I can’t help you.” Like okay, shouldn’t that be my decision to tell them or not? Or at least run it by me or at least fucking tell me you told them before I show up to their house and they start asking me a billion questions? It was so hard just to text her for help, let alone have my parents talk to my face about it.
They don’t treat me like their daughter now, they treat me like a depressed person. I know, I am a depressed person, but I’d rather be their family than a mental illness to them. It’s not their fault they don’t know how to act around me anymore, but now that my sister told them she just made things worse for me and everyone. There’s no place I can go now and not be treated like I’m depressed.
We had a family reunion yesterday and everyone kept hugging me and treating me weird. Everyone in my whole family knows now apparently. My sister basically walked five feet in front of me everywhere and was like “Yeah, my depressed sister is coming this way.” Not literally, but she might as well have. She walked around talking about me as her depressed sister instead of just her sister.
She posts and shares stuff on Facebook about it as well. Just tell your 2,000+ friends on Facebook about your fucked up sister, who barely wanted one person to know. Who does that?
I’m so incredibly upset with her. I thought she would understand me. I understand she’s one of those depressed people who wants everyone to know for the sympathy and attention, but I thought she knew we were two separate people dealing with two very different lives. I guess it was my mistake for thinking she would be anything beneficial for my depression. I feel so betrayed by her. I don’t think I can trust her anymore, which sucks because I would always tell her everything.
I just wish I never opened up to anyone now. I can’t take it out of anyone’s memory. Now I’m always going to be known as “the depressed one” in the family and it’s because of her.