I think… feel… know I’m worthless. This feeling of worthlessness does not solely originate from external factors. I’m a lazy sonofva, an unmotivated fool, a academically inept, and pretty much a waste of space of a human being. Those are some the sources of my pitiful wanting to end it all. However, as weird as it may sound, when I “tried” to actually “end it”, at the moment of knowing it will all be over, I felt joy, relief, and “not” depressed. Obviously I am still alive evidenced by me typing and sharing this and also I’m not in a hospital or any medical institution. I’m not injured in such a way that the people in this house will be alarmed. My method I will not disclose.
After a few breaths, a break, I analyzed why I didn’t “retry”. Why I felt happy. Why I felt I can endure another round with this farce called life. Its actually very simple I now possess this knowledge, this power, this control of my life.
2 comments
I’ve heard of people having that feeling of happiness and relief before they die. I guess it’s proof that you have those feelings within you, there to find again.
By the way, you’re not any more or less worthless or full of worth than any other person. Don’t believe that.