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2 failed attempts

by abisslover25

First failed attempt was Monday night I wasn’t feeling particularly suicidal but I saw an opportunity and took it.

 

Last night i took took a few bottles of sleeping pills but every time I would stop breathing I would jerk awake and concentrate on breathing. Needless to say it was a miserable night.

I just want it to be over.

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13 comments

Hazy Day Sunflower 11/25/2015 - 3:39 pm

I’m happy you are here with me today. Sorry for the rough night.

Ylem31 11/25/2015 - 4:23 pm

Look at the 2 failed attempts as how you still should be here.

Shephard 11/25/2015 - 5:58 pm

12 gauge deer slugs are what I have stashed in my sheriff’s bag. If you’ve seen a certain episode of Mythbusters (or even used them yourself) you’ll know exactly what kind of damage these slugs are capable of.

…then there’s my stash of heroin.

My ex tried taking her own life the other night. She contacted me outta nowhere with the most concerning message she’d sent me in the year I’ve known her. Needless to say, I wasn’t coping too well with that. She used pills as well.
I think the trick to any suicide involving medication is not only selecting the one right tool for the job; but choosing complimentary tertiary substances which would help potentiate the desired effect/s.

But I’m not a chemist, so yeah…

It’s not over till its over; so you may as well just “…keep swimming. Just keep swimming”.

Peace to you.

abisslover25 11/25/2015 - 6:06 pm

Thank you. The first attempt was more of a rash choice involving a 9mm I found in a friends car and it wasn’t loaded (my luck right). I just want out. I am so alone. I have no one.

Shephard 11/25/2015 - 6:14 pm

One thing I’ve come to appreciate about making this decision of mine to die is that you cannot be rash nor too shrewd about enacting it. You have to accept the fact that, yes, you will die, but that doesn’t mean you’ve got to pull together every single detail — only the little ones which will put the big picture into place.

Out of curiosity, what sort of 9mm pistol does your friend have?

For what it’s worth, you have us on SP. We’re all united in death, unable to face life.

abisslover25 11/25/2015 - 7:16 pm

Glock 17 cartridge was in it but it was empty.

Shephard 11/25/2015 - 7:19 pm

…you mean the *magazine was in but no cartridges were present, yes?

I’ve never trusted Glocks and the whole “safe action pistol” spiel. If I can’t physically engage the safety, then there’s no fucking way I’m going to trust that weapon. That’s just me though.

rocketman 11/25/2015 - 6:13 pm

abisslover25,

you have us and you have yourself! what more could you possibly want?

abisslover25 11/25/2015 - 7:16 pm

I don’t like myself. I am a terrible person. 🙁

Hazy Day Sunflower 11/25/2015 - 8:26 pm

We are all terrible in one way or another . We are a terrible crew and are here to support eachother.

SeeSmith 11/25/2015 - 7:03 pm

As I’m sure you know, this will be very hard on your kids. I imagine it will be difficult for them to understand why all their parents disappeared on them. Has your sister (?) agreed to raise them or will they go into foster care?

I understand you feel the pain is more than you can bear. Yet, just a few days ago, you were looking forward to seeing your exBF. For a brief moment I think you were happy with the idea of seeing him again. Which goes to show that often where your head is at determines if any particular moment is bearable or not.

I wish you’d call 911 and tell them you are in imminent danger of killing yourself. I know it sounds like a bunch of bother with little chance of getting anything useful out of it. But there is a chance that a doctor might be able to help you. If you don’t get the help you think you need you can always choose to die later.

abisslover25 11/25/2015 - 7:09 pm

I was happy but I didn’t see him. He was so good at calming me when I was upset. He doesn’t want to get back together. I messed up that relationship. I always mess up everything. The thought of having that comfort made me feel better. My kids would go to my parents. Regardless of my choice to stay or go I will have to sign over my rights within the next month to them.

Hazy Day Sunflower 11/25/2015 - 8:27 pm

Gosh I’m so sorry.

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