I can’t do this anymore

I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to go far away. Can I just die? There’s nothing to live for. I have people all around me but they’re not a good enough reason to make me want to stay alive. It doesn’t matter if I die right now. It would just save me the trouble since I don’t have plans for my future. The person I love the most is gone and there’s no reason to live without her. I’m thankful for the people around me since others have had it worse, but this is not what I want.

I guess I could say I’m in love with this guy and he doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t even look my way and since last year I’ve liked him. This just makes it worse. I want to self-harm but I promised not to and everything is so hard on me right now.

I feel so lost and depressed. Not even music can save me right now.

When did I become like this?

I keep asking God to take me because I can’t deal with it. I don’t have anything planned for my future because I don’t want one.

I can’t anymore. I just wish I had a normal life. For a while I had been okay. I laughed and smiled a lot. I goofed around and had some fun.

Now I’m right back to where I started.