I’ve decided Monday is the day. As soon as my son goes to school, I will leave to die. I was going to use pills, but, decided on a gun instead. I keep putting it off, because I think things will get better, but they don’t. I’m at peace knowing that I will be pain free in a few days. It’s nice to know that people will be relieved when I go. I won’t be a burden or annoyance anymore.
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May you find peace in the afterlife. Nonetheless, know that great events are to happen soon on earth, which could bring some change in our society. So you may regret later not wanting to stay around.
What do you think about near death experiences on people who commit suicide? I’ve been studying this topic for years and still death tells me nothing.
Depression blinds us, often tricking people into thinking others don’t care or that they will not be missed. Your son will miss you. And statistics show that suicide rates are higher among kids who have had a parent suicide. Please reconsider.
I saw that in your other posts you were talking about a solid plan of ending it. But you’re still here. Look back at those times and think what stopped you, it might work this time around as well.
And, think about your son. He still needs you. We never stop needing our parents no matter how old we are.
“We never stop needing our parents no matter how old we are.”
Truer words have never been spoken.
Although I didn’t discover my mother’s body, I did have to clean up the mess. Blood went everywhere. It would be horrible if your son unexpectedly came home early and found you. There is nothing that will ever erase images like that.
Regardless, your son will be depressed in a profound and pernicious way after you are gone. The hole you will leave behind will affect just about every aspect of his life. And when he gets in a bind and thinks there is no way out or he can see nothing in his future but pain, he probably will reach for a gun, too.
I don’t know you. I don’t know how much of a burden you really are. Consider that after your death your suicide will be a burden to those you left behind.
Reading ‘son’ and ‘school’ made me so sad. The most concerning thing is that you want to die, but the other parts of that situation sound quite worrying. If you do this, I hope you make sure that the proper authorities will be the ones to find you.
Usually when someone thinks people will be relieved when they’re gone it isn’t true. Without knowing anything about your situation, there’s a good chance your son would be devastated. I read your past posts and saw you mentioned that he cuts, so he must be in a lot of pain as well. I’m not suggesting you carry on suffering indefinitely for his sake, but I hope thinking of him could give you the strength to carry on until you find a new form of treatment that starts helping. I also hope you’re not in that relationship anymore, because your doubts and the terrible way he treated you sounded really damaging. I don’t know if anyone’s done or said anything to you to make you feel like a burden, but I doubt you’re a burden to everyone. Even if you were, you can’t be held completely accountable while you feel like this. Please think about it carefully.
I agree with all the PP’s. But I am going to add this:
If you are going to do this, and is sounds like you will, please make arrangements for your son before doing so. Please do not do this while there is any chance what so ever of him finding you. Send him to a family or friends house and do it over a school break. I only say this because my aunt killed herself, my cousin was 15, and although it wasn’t her first attempt, it was the attempt that finally worked. I don’t know if she planned it for when he was gone, although I doubt it. She was deeply mentally ill and that though most likely didn’t occur to her.
My point is that she died while he was away with his grandmother visiting relatives. I don’t know how he feels about this, I’ve never asked him, we are extremely close but this is something that doesn’t need asking. I do know that he would have been in much worse shape had he found her. He might not have been able to go on in his life had he been the one to find her.
That is all I have to say. And that you find peace.
It’s already been said and I’m sure you know this yourself but perhaps you need to be reminded over and over. Your son needs and loves you. Even if you do not care for yourself, know that your son does care whether or not his mother is there to protect him and parent him like he deserves. Do it for him. Live for him. Take comfort in the knowledge that everyone will die someday and not one person knows when, whether it is today or tomorrow or next year. Why not just live? If you are so eager to die, take comfort in the fact that each day you are closer to the grave because nobody has lived forever. Besides that, who knows if you will escape pain or problems in the after life? The unknown is far more terrifying than the miserable and mostly predictable reality some of us face while we are here.
You sound as though you have had to hold yourself togethor without respite for many years. You have said that you feel like a burden. Could you tell us more about that?