This is the third time I post here, and it’s about the same thing. I’m 24, I’ve never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl or done anything with a girl, and I don’t see this changing anytime during lifetime. And no, I haven’t chosen to be this way. It’s not because I haven’t met the “right” girl or because I have high standards. It’s only simply that I’ve never had luck with women. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of love-shyness or incel, but that’s where I come from.
I’m basically doomed. I’ll either have to live this way and cope in some way (most likely by seeing escorts), or I’ll have to end my life. And to be honest I don’t want to live this way. My youth is already wasted… so what’s the point of having someone in my life at this point? Even if it does happen (which doesn’t seem like it), I won’t be able to enjoy it anymore, and I believe I’ll still feel miserable and lament my wasted youth.
There’s really no point to life when you’re forever alone, getting no relationships and no sex whatsoever. Really what’s the point of life if you can’t experience romance and sex? I prefer to be dead… I’m in no way able to cope, when literally everyone else is getting relationships and sex effortlessly but me.
27 comments
Relax dude.
There is a perfect person for everyone.
And you are gonna find her.
And when you’ll find her. You’ll know she is worth waiting.
I’m 27. I find her last year.
I know this. I also used to feel like you feel.
But trust me when you’ll find her.
Everything is gonna change.
Everything around is gonna be so happy happy. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Smiley Smiley… 🙂 🙂 🙂
Where in my post did I say that I’m waiting? Dude, the only times I’ve managed to approach girls I’ve been rejected or ignored, over and over. I’m also invisible to girls. So tell me, does this sound like I’m waiting for anything? You’ve most likely chosen to wait for the right girl. I chose nothing. I’ve also mentioned love-shyness and incel, you can google them to know what I’m talking about.
No more false hope for me. Girls aren’t interested in an awkward guy who messes up all of his approaches, if he manages to do it in the first place.
Also, I’ll be 27 in just 3 years, and time passes really quickly.
While not having sex or a relationship can be huge problems, I don’t think the question of whether life is worth living should depend on those things. You might have some other problems that are making you exaggerate those issues. When you’re depressed your problems can seem much, much bigger, more overwhelming and permanent. I don’t understand why you’d be doomed to stay this way. Some people have terrible luck all their lives and still meet someone eventually. And the idea that you couldn’t enjoy a relationship once you’re past your youth is just silly. I feel stuck in the state I’m in too, and I’ve spent a lot of time in the past few years being terrified/devastated that the time spent feeling this way was starting to add up to years. But I don’t think you’d feel the same way when you’d happy.
Do you know if there’s any particular thing stopping you from having those things?
“Do you know if there’s any particular thing stopping you from having those things?”
Love-shyness. I’ve already mentioned it. I highly doubt you’ve ever heard of it, but if you google it, you’ll find plenty of info, including symptoms. Also luck. I’ve always been so unlucky with girls. No girl I’ve approached has ever felt the same way towards me. They always friendzone me. Every single time.
I was diagnosed with Borderline disorder a few years ago, but I highly doubt it has anything to do with my inability to get a girlfriend. Maybe it has to do with how I view this issue though. But let’s be honest, knowing that you’re most likely going to spend your life alone is devastating and terrifying.
I know you mentioned it. I meant apart from that, longer term – because you seem almost certain that it’s something you’ll never have. Have you ever seen someone about it? There’s no reason that it should be likely at all.
Actually I’m pretty convinced it’s something I’ll never have. If by 24 it hasn’t happened, then there’s no reason to believe it ever will.
Seeing someone about it won’t do any good. I’m already seeing a psychologist. Needless to say, he doesn’t understand (just like my friends and everyone else don’t). And he’s a sympathetic and caring person by nature. After this therapist, I’m not really encouraged to see anyone else. They’ll just make me feel worse. If a sympathetic and very caring person failed to understand and even help, then I doubt another therapist would.
Some people can be good-natured but not understand a specific problem. I go to a local clinic regularly because I have ME/CFS, and lots of times I feel like they don’t have a clue what they’re talking about. And the person I see is lovely – very sympathetic and willing to listen to anything you have to say. In that case, it’s only to help manage the illness rather than cure it, so I don’t see it as much of an issue. She gives me the information I need. A psychologist should really be helping you fix any problems holding you back. If they’re not, I’d find a new one. Honestly, I really think if you start believing that it’s something you’ll never have then you could make it less likely for yourself.
Love-shyness isn’t well known. He doesn’t understand the whole concept of it, and I’m convinced no other therapist would. I’m part of an online community who part of are facing the same problem with therapists. We virtually have no source for support whatsoever, other than each other, which isn’t much support to be honest, since we’re all bitter.
And how are you expecting someone that has never had a girlfriend and has always been met with rejection to believe he’s going to find someone? Where do I get this belief from? Tell me. I have no past experiences to act as proof that it’ll happen. So how will I be able to believe that it will happen, if in my 24 years alive it never has?
The only way for me is having a friend help me get a girlfriend, by introducing me to a girl. But somehow I doubt any of my friends would be willing to do this… Or maybe my family could help. But oh come on, this is way too pathetic. I prefer to die than to resort to this.
I don’t know where you’re meant to get the belief from, but if we thought we couldn’t do anything that we’ve never managed to do before, we’d rarely do anything new. I know you can’t wake up tomorrow feeling confident you’ll find one, but trying to keep the possibility open can’t be a bad thing. As for the therapist, I think they should make more of an effort to look into your specific problem. I’m sorry you feel that others will be the same.
Not only I feel others will be the same, but I’m certain they’ll be worse. Much worse. I’ve even ended a few friendships because the people in question failed to understand the issue and sympathize, let alone being willing to help. Anyway, I’m not annoyed by this as it means I just got rid of a few fake friends.
15 year olds are more romantically experienced than me, for christ sake! How do you want me to feel? Yes I’m damn bitter, depressed as f*ck and all I want at this moment is to just die. I don’t want any therapist to make me feel worse. A therapist can’t force girls to like. By this point in my life, it’s obvious girls simply don’t like me.
You see, there’s nowhere I could get support from. Nowhere! Death seems the only logical option.
There might be more people than you think who don’t have any experiences like that (at any age). But yes, I understand the rest.
But more likely than not those people chose to be this way. People like me, who didn’t choose this, are extremely rare, to the point that no attention is given to them, and we also get sex thrown in our faces everywhere, anywhere, when we can’t have it. Just imagine the stress.
I can’t believe that therapists, and everyone else, won’t understand that my loneliness is the source of my depression, and not vice versa. They’re trying to treat the wrong problem.
Well, therapists should be able to focus on what you need and want. But if one problem causes another I think they can be like two sides of the same coin – equally important sometimes. Therapists should be more accommodating to your needs though.
Unless love-shyness is universally acknowledged, they aren’t going to be accommodating to my issue. They don’t even understand it. How can they help, when they don’t understand the problem itself? I’ve already lost hope with therapists, and I’m speaking from experience. Still I’m going to try one more therapist, but I have a strong feeling he’ll just frustrate the hell out of me. Imagine that, therapists actually make me feel worse for not understanding my issue. They tend to think it’s because of lack of confidence and because of my depression. I’m even kinda starting to hate them. You’re going to tell me now that depressed people don’t have partners. Hell, I’m not believing that, since I see before my very eyes that they do have partners. Even people with low self-confidence and low self-esteem have partners.
Plus, like I’ve already said, a therapist can’t magically make girls want me. They either want me or they don’t, and so far it seems that they don’t. It’s really depressing. I’m actually wishing I had cancer and wasn’t where I am. I can’t imagine anything more depressing and unbearable than this, and I personally believe there isn’t.
No, I wasn’t going to say that. I think being happier makes for better relationships and probably makes it a lot easier to meet people, but I know depressed people are often in them. But the part about girls not liking you, I don’t believe that could be universal. I hope you find the new therapist more helpful.
I can’t say I wish I had cancer – physical pain is horrible and just causes more mental pain when it’s already severe. But I can well relate to the wish to disappear and escape the pain of life. And I know it makes it hard to think about the future. Again, I hope your new therapist will be more helpful to you.
I didn’t mean you personally. I mean people in general are going to say this.
A relationship is what’s going to make me happy, I’m sure, as this is currently the only serious problem in my life. Being depressed about never having a partner is actually hindering my progress in life. If I get in a relationship, since it’s going to make happy, then I’ll be able to make it a healthy relationship.
I don’t understand why people make such a big deal out of it. All I want is a girlfriend. Is this really too much to ask for?
Well, you know my story, there is nothing I can say to make you feel any better. Sorry
Yeah, I already know your story. Knowing I’m not alone makes me feel better, so thanks again. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my posts.
By the way, is there any way to send private messages here? I would be glad if it’s okay with you if we talk further.
No private message feature on here but mikerowedick@gmail.com
Alright, I’ll email you. Thanks. 🙂
I want to help, but I can’t seem to understand the problem, nvm. Sorry. Is the issue that you want a girlfriend, but you don’t care who it is? Then what’s the purpose of a soulmate? Clearly not compatibility, since no one is compatible with everyone. Sex? But one can always go to escorts, or masturbate, or something. Sex isn’t really something to get depressed over; it’s rare that sex is all that great anyways, and when it is, the relationship never lasts long.
I think you should reconsider why you want a girlfriend, but that’s just my view. Maybe I’m understanding your problem wrong?
Of course I want a long-term girlfriend, even a lifetime partner if I find a woman I’m willing to commit to for life, if she promises to be loyal that is. So far, however, that seems unlikely as love-shyness makes it hard for me to show my intentions clearly early on, which leads to girls friendzoning me.
With that said, I wouldn’t mind a short-term relationship just for the sex, for now. It isn’t all about the sex though. For sex I can see escorts, true, but I also want a woman who loves me back. Escorts can’t provide this.
And I don’t believe in soulmates, and that there’s someone for everyone. Some people spend a lifetime alone, just because women have incredibly high standards and don’t want them, which isn’t at all fair. The “right” person doesn’t exist. After you meet someone, you’ll have to accept their flows and live with it after a certain period.
The ‘perfect’ person doesn’t exist. Everyone is flawed in their own precious way. The ‘right’ person is that one (usually of many) who will accept your flaws and forgive you when you fall, even as you reciprocate. What an arrangement it is!
That high standards goes both ways, regardless. There is such a thing as compatibility… And yes I’ve been over this love-shyness discussion with you in depth, thanks. I’ve got an understanding. This is just a bit more input.
Your ‘if i get in a relationship it’ll make me happy so i’ll make it healthy’ thinking is a tad flawed..
Xeee, you are wrong. Charles Farquar of Ithica, NY, is certified perfect. S/he is a beautiful hermaphrodite millionaire, speaks 12 languages, and was the inventor of inversion boots. H/er/is tonails sell for € 25.000.000,00 per microgram and are very popular amongst people that are heavily invested in cloning. Rumor has it he coined the term “whoopie” and is immortal.
No girl has accepted me so far… Why should I believe it will ever happen? I’ve actually met people over 50 who had no romantic partners in their entire lives! This is scary. I think I’m just killing myself before I hit 25. If I hit 25 having not had a girlfriend or kissed a girl, then there’s no reason to believe it will ever happen, and I’ll be done with life.