Thanks, Hazy. I would say that I’m glad you understand, but I am not. I wish no one had to feel this.
This voice keeps telling me that a violent act will relieve the tension. Splash some color on the white, make the clock go a little slower. But that is a disgusting idea, isn’t it? I am trying to ignore it.
Not disgusting at all. I think extremely violent thoughts at times which is why I exhaust myself on the treadmill. I’d hate myself if I acted on them. I’m thinking you might to?
I have extremely violent thoughts too, but usually only about myself. The thoughts that I have anout harming others are just thoughts, the thoughts about harming myself are more like urges I feel that I should act on.
On a plain white chair, in a plain white room… Feel like adding a little colour…. Red maybe. I feel exactly the same way right now. Next person to come my way is going to lose a head 🙂
Go for a walk or something, just to clear your head. That usually works for me when I have these thoughts. I’m going to walk right now. Hope I dont bump into anyone I dislike.
Hazy: Yes, I would. I’m a pacifist, and a Christian. It used to be that I abhorred violence because I loved God, and I loved deeply my fellow man. I had an almost crippling sense of empathy. I’d get all broken up about accidentally killing a spider. Nowadays, I abhor violence (or tell myself that I do) only because I know I’m supposed to abhor it. But if those fetters were gone, I don’t know if I’d be able to stop myself.
I rarely admit that to anyone, by the way, because I absolutely hate the stereotype that all people of faith abstain from violence just because they fear Hell. What utter nonsense. And I hate myself sometimes for fitting the stereotype.
charlottevics: That’s rough, I’m sorry. 🙁 I used to be that way. But whenever I feel that way towards myself, it’s usually a pretty dissociative experience. Like, I think about myself as if I’m someone else. “I’m gonna kill her”, “I wish I could rip out her guts and show them to her”, “I need to punish her”, etc. I hope you don’t experience that.
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11 comments
whiskered-fish,
Sounds like your board alright watch TV? And possibly put some restraints for your hands on the chair just to be on the safe side?
When I watch TV, I think about writing; when I think about writing I get angry because I can’t seem to do it anymore.
The restraints might work though. Good idea! 🙂
whiskered-fish,
oh and i for to mention don’t watch porno’s that could make this worse!! 🙂
I like your white metaphore. I totally understand.
Thanks, Hazy. I would say that I’m glad you understand, but I am not. I wish no one had to feel this.
This voice keeps telling me that a violent act will relieve the tension. Splash some color on the white, make the clock go a little slower. But that is a disgusting idea, isn’t it? I am trying to ignore it.
Not disgusting at all. I think extremely violent thoughts at times which is why I exhaust myself on the treadmill. I’d hate myself if I acted on them. I’m thinking you might to?
I have extremely violent thoughts too, but usually only about myself. The thoughts that I have anout harming others are just thoughts, the thoughts about harming myself are more like urges I feel that I should act on.
On a plain white chair, in a plain white room… Feel like adding a little colour…. Red maybe. I feel exactly the same way right now. Next person to come my way is going to lose a head 🙂
Go for a walk or something, just to clear your head. That usually works for me when I have these thoughts. I’m going to walk right now. Hope I dont bump into anyone I dislike.
Hazy: Yes, I would. I’m a pacifist, and a Christian. It used to be that I abhorred violence because I loved God, and I loved deeply my fellow man. I had an almost crippling sense of empathy. I’d get all broken up about accidentally killing a spider. Nowadays, I abhor violence (or tell myself that I do) only because I know I’m supposed to abhor it. But if those fetters were gone, I don’t know if I’d be able to stop myself.
I rarely admit that to anyone, by the way, because I absolutely hate the stereotype that all people of faith abstain from violence just because they fear Hell. What utter nonsense. And I hate myself sometimes for fitting the stereotype.
charlottevics: That’s rough, I’m sorry. 🙁 I used to be that way. But whenever I feel that way towards myself, it’s usually a pretty dissociative experience. Like, I think about myself as if I’m someone else. “I’m gonna kill her”, “I wish I could rip out her guts and show them to her”, “I need to punish her”, etc. I hope you don’t experience that.
rocketman: lol, I’ll take your word for it. Thanks for the advice.