Everyone knows me as a cheery girl. They want to be me because they think I have no complications in my life. But it’s funny, because they don’t know anything about my life. Yes, I tell them funny stories that really happened in my life but that’s what they all know about my life. They don’t know how I am going through depression. They don’t know how I am crying at night over everything. They don’t know how it’s so hard to force a smile and fake a laugh. I always put on a mask of happiness of mine everytime I’m with them but there’s a crack in it, but they never notice. They never did.
Because all they think is I’m always happy, when I was never am in the first place.
13 comments
So be honest. Show everyone what’s under the mask. Show your friends, parents, teachers. What do you have to lose?
You have become so distressed that you posted a message on a website where most visitors want to kill themselves. That’s a sure sign it’s time to change the game. Mix things up. Be open about your fear, rage, sadness, hopelessness. There is a time and place for being “nice” and it isn’t now.
Why do I want to fall to my knees and belt out “I gotta be MEEEEEEE!” when I read that?
Because you are a loon, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. 😉
Ms. Loon to you.
Thank you, sir.
I’ve also tried (and still try) to hide depression, or the worst of it. But they can’t know if you don’t tell them. Not everyone will take it well, but when people stick by you it means you see every day how much they care. Having that support system can be very helpful. I don’t know if you’re trying to protect yourself or others (or both) by not telling them, but things can be more difficult if you take this route. If anything happened to you it would be shocking and devastating to them. I hope you can be open with someone about everything you’re going through.
Thank you…
Hey,
So i read a lot of comments here about telling you to remove that mask of false happiness.
Now , no offence to those people, you are entitled to your own ideas.
According to me, also wearing a mask of false aggresiveness, emotionlessness, its easier said than done.
Now i wont tell you to take that mask off, it wont solve much, itd perhaps filter out your friends but itll also alienate you from a lot of folks.
That being said; i think you should be open here on SP, where you have the protection of anonymity.
I think it’s common to be inconsiderate of people you idolize. I know I imagine the people I admire to have no real problems, so I treat them as such, which is unfair, I guess.
I’ve experienced the same thing with people who seem drawn to me, that they have an overly positive impression of me, so they’re stumped and can’t empathize when I have problems.
Hey poisonouslily, batshit crazy HDS here. Veteran of smile on the face while her life is crumbling around her. There is a saying that to hold in sadness doubles it and to share sadness with loved ones halves it. I don’t remember where I read that or maybe I just made it up years ago. And as pithy as it sounds I have met many people who find that to be a real truth in their lives. Sharing sorrow divides it among many shoulders while sharing joy blesses many hearts with sunshine.
Just saying, it can’t hurt.
I just don’t want to be a burden. Almost everyone are always sad, frustrated and mad about something. And how I don’t want to seem weak, because they keep saying to me that I give them strength… It’s hard to open up… It’s hard to show them how much broken I am by everything. But I’ll try, to lift up the weight in my shoulders.
Wow, I can totally relate! I’m the “happy girl” that everyone leans on as well. I’m the one who always picks up others when they are down and makes them laugh. And yet every night I go to bed praying I don’t wake up the next morning, and every morning I spend at least an hour in solitary tears.
I understand not wanting to be a burden, not knowing HOW to open up, and the fear of driving friends away if you do. And since everyone has their own problems, there never seems to be the RIGHT moment. Plus, you feel that if you (their “support”) become “weak” then it “lets them down” and diminishes that support for them and you know how that lack of support feels (does that make sense?)
I finally had to confess my severe depression to a friend recently. I got so overwhelmed I just couldn’t keep that mask on anymore and broke into sobbing tears in front of her. To my surprise she didn’t freak out, was really supportive and wasn’t surprised. She gave me a few things to think about:
1. Does it annoy you when you help your friends with their problems, or does it make you feel useful? (I feel useful). So why do you think your problems would annoy your friends?
2. Have you considered you’re denying your friends that feeling of being useful to you? In a way, hiding your depression from them is selfish because people like to feel helpful. Also, do you think your friends can’t handle helping you? Isn’t thinking that not being fair to your friends as well? (That really gave me pause)
3. Some of your friends already know you’re depressed but don’t say anything because you haven’t talked about it and they don’t want to overtly pry. (That really surprised me)
4. I may wear the smile and joke but I’m not fooling anyone. I look exhausted, my eyes are sad with circles under them, and my body language isn’t that of a happy person. When my friends say to me “you look tired” or “did you have a late night last night”‘ it is actually an opening they are giving me to share what’s going on. I don’t need to tell them everything, just what’s on my mind at the moment. Sharing a just little will keep opening that door.
I’m still struggling with being able to tell people because I’m so shy, but I look for the openings now because I know it’s OK.
Hope this helps.
I don’t know who your friend is, but if I find her I’m going to have her miniaturized, bronzed, and glued to the dashboard of my car. 🙂