Been lurking on this site for a while. I have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was about 12. I really struggle to make it through the day because the thoughts are so bad . Probably sounds pathetic but my appearance is the main reason I want to die it’s become really hard for me not to check myself in the mirror frequently am especially self conscious about my hair which to me always looks crap no matter how hard I try , even when I get it done by a professional it still doesn’t look good enough to me. I have been to psychologist s over the years and hasn’t helped whatsoever pills seem to have no effect either I just feel like I won’t make it to thirty at this point, am supposed to be looking for a new job in the new year and the thought of that is making me more suicidal. I am currently in a relationship too and fear that one day am gonna ruin that too because of my insecurity and lack of motivation.
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How does your insecurity over your hair play out? Do you worry about rejection because of it? And if that’s the case, from whom?
And why do you feel a lack of motivation?
Yeah I feel like everyone’s staring at me when I go out, I even worry that my boyfriend is secretly judging me for it too but is too polite to say anything, I feel hideous in general , and it’s gotten worse than ever , my appearance makes me wanna never leave the house or be around anyone. Even as I child I always felt like I’ve never had a will to live the fact that I fuck up everything destroys my motivation even more , I would probably far worse if I didn’t have a boyfriend I push myself to do stuff cos of him
Do you genuinely believe you’re ugly, or is it more something you’re scared to be?
🙂 What did you fuck up?
I sympathize with you completely abyssgirl. Something as seemingly trivial as how my hair looks has routinely affected my self confidence through the years. The ridiculous thing about it though is it doesn’t matter. so much wasted time in the mirror trying to get it just right, go to a party and someone tassels it up in a friendly spirit and the rest of the night is just fine. The thing to remember is EVERYONE is insecure, no matter how well they may be at hiding it, be it physical attributes or otherwise. A hard thing I’m going through right now is losing a large portion of hair, it’s visibly thinning out, and it causes me to recall all those days I thought it had looked like crap, somehow reflecting my own worth based on physical aesthetics. I realize now that was all crap. I looked fine. It always did. It was just my obsessive behavior that couldn’t let it go. From my experience I’d venture you’re just being very hard on yourself. It’s easy to get into a routine of obsessing over the details too much. Try stepping back from the mirror a little, I’m sure you’ll see how beautiful you really are.
Do you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder? Look it up. It’s a real illness. Other people will think you look fine, but you have a distorted image of yourself when you look in the mirror. That’s why anorexic people think they’re fat when they’re not. That’s just an example, but the mind lies to you.
Thanks for your replies , tbh I really struggle to differentiate between the thoughts lying to me and reality I have thought what if I have bdd before but there’s the fear that it’s not and that the reality is I look awful
That’s how Body Dysmorphic Disorder works, you don’t know what reality is when you look at yourself. You don’t want people to see you because you fear you’re hideous. I’ve had it for years and it’s awful to feel like you look like a monster.
When random people tell me I’m beautiful on the street, it helps in that moment, then my mind goes back to its old way of thinking. It’s not all about looks anyway, but I’m sure you don’t look awful. I bet you’re very pretty and most importantly, you seem like a sweetheart. Maybe bring BDD up with your psychologist and see what he or she says.
I didn’t go too deep into it but I told my last psychologist I thought I was ugly and he used to say things like well you can’t be ugly if you have a boyfriend but people saying things like that doesn’t help, I just hate how bad the feelings become lately it’s always been bad just am finding it hard to absorb myself into something else like a hobby
There are limited options for changing how you look. Healthy living (sleep, nutrition, exercise), good hygiene and grooming as well as clothes that suit you.
But I think it’s probably more important to figure out what you want and then pursue that, rather than how you want other people to see you. Because you can never control that. You could be drop-dead gorgeous and just not their type.
Hugs 🙂
Yeah, I can’t stand when they give useless answers like that. It’s discouraging. Just because you have a boyfriend, doesn’t mean you automatically feel beautiful. This a mental problem, not something logical. Psychologists like that piss me off. Obviously what you’re feeling isn’t rational so having a boyfriend as proof means nothing because you’re suffering.