I have so much I want to say. You don’t know me at all. But for now all I’ll say is this.
i asked my mom for three things for Christmas. Three little things. I wanted to drive an hour to see a light display. I wanted a small tabletop tree to decorate and I wanted no gifts, from anyone. She did none of this. We have no tree. I didn’t and won’t get to see the light display. And I have gifts from my grandparents and am elderly great aunt and uncle waiting. I don’t feel worthy of gifts from these people. I am chronically ill and we are poor. The people who gave me gifts pretty much already support us and I want no more from them. Ironically, I have no gifts or cards or even calls from my brother, sister, or father who do not live with us. They are not poor and don’t otherwise help. In fact, I was left off of a Christmas card my sister sent to my mom, but that is no surprise. She disowned me (hasn’t spoken to me, told my mom I was not welcome in her home, etc) when I got sick. There is also no gift, not one, coming from my mom. I would be okay with that if she’d honored my requests, but she didn’t.
i don’t think I can handle this. On Christmas Day it will be worse. I will try and ignore the day entirely but I am not sure it will help.
may post my full story later, but had to vent now.