Ive been struggling, struggling so much. Having no one to turn to is becoming a routine. Im almost accustomed to it really. I don’t even expect people to text/call me anymore. I don’t expect anything from anyone, and i never will honestly. Once you make a few mistakes, you’re labeled at “attention seeking”, crazy, bipolar, depressed. Ive only been home for a few months now, I was locked up for eight months, going through hell and then some. I guess you can say things fell apart completely after my sister committed suicide almost five years ago. I guess the problem was I was so young, and aware of what suicide really was. At the time I was only twelve. Now that I’m seventeen, the same age as my sister when she decided to end he life. I understand exactly why she did it. The pressure to be perfect, to please everybody to just have friends, or get your family to like/love you. Having/keeping up with the latest styles. Trying to be considered pretty, which just makes your self esteem lower then ever. Trying to not get involved in to social media which sucks the life outta you because people are constantly talking shit about you on twitter, on their snapchat stories, in the messages where the hell ever, you’re fucking being talked about. Anxiety/depression has taken a toll and control over my life. I stay up late very single night, then sleep to about five or six in the afternoon. My boyfriend has been away from home for about a year now, comes home friday after been locked up, and I’m acting like a crazy person. My biggest fear, is losing him, the other one if losing my mom. He’s helped me so much, he loved me when I didn’t even love me and taught me how to love myself, gave me attention, and spent time with me every single day just to make me feel loved and special. Since he’s been gone everything has fell the fuck apart and it sucks. His family hates me, says he won’t stay with me because I’m mentally unstable and he’s not going to want to spend the rest of his life making me stable, that he will leave me for someone better. Yesterday my Dad told me the wrong daughter died. Sometimes I wonder if i would have died instead of her, would things be different? I think no one would even notice to be honest, like I said I was away from home, for a long eight months. When i came home no one really even noticed that I was gone, it hurt because I felt invisible. Is till invisible. Maybe it should have been me.
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Your father should have never said that to you. That is just. UGH! Not a single parent should make thier blood feel the way he made you when he said those words to you. He should be supportive and accept you. I’m sorry that your sister commited suicide. It must be extremely difficult for you. Ive had love ones die, but I was never too close to them. So I cant concept how you feel exactly. It is very hard to live in society now with social media. When I was younger it was a lot easier. With social media I noticed it makes everything easier for attackers. Social media is a depressive negative world anymore. But remember that the people who say horrible things to you or do horrible things to you do not matter in your life. It will go away over time. But never fully. Someone will always have something negative to say or do to another person. It just lessens as you get older. Going through school at your age is extremely tough. But remember that you’re almost done with the adolesent years and these negative people actually for the most part dissapear from your life after graduation. But in the other side of your post. Your sister decided to make a decision that can never be reversed or changed. It will affect you and other people for a very long time, if not for the rest of your life. But in my personal view everyone has their time, weather it is choice or not. And you can’t do anything about it. The only thing you can do that I can see is accept it. And trust me acceptance is not easy. Don’t ever let someone elses decision influence yours. Weather its suicide or being bullied. If you are feeling suicidal, talk it out. It helps. Ask anyone on here and I can almost gaurantee that they will say the same thing. But if you decided on your own time, with your own thoughts and feelings to follow in your sisters foot steps, no one is going to stop you or judged you here on SP. Personally I could imagine that you are a beautiful young girl with a good heart and a lot of potential. And it would sadden me to hear you go through that, or something similar. It even saddens me now that such a young woman like youself is going through what you are currently. Just keep your head up high and you’ll make it. You have support here on SP.