The Christmas depression is here. But it is worse this time. Much worse. My daughter at least until last year was still interested in getting a tree put up and putting together some kind of meal on Christmas day. But not this year. We don’t really “celebrate” the holidays much anyway but this year I feel like I have become such a burden for everyone that they just don’t want to deal with things. I don’t ask much of the two of my kids that live with me – I don’t go out really anymore but we share the basic expenses. My son takes care of the weekly trash and my daughter runs to the pharmacy for me once a month and she will take me to appointments when I am forced to go to the doctor. But I fear being alone more and more, and I don’t want my daughter to waste her life taking care of me like my sister took care of my father the last three years of his life.
I feel like my asking them to live here so I can keep the house puts constraints on their lives. But i have no where else to go and I don’t know what I would do if they moved out. I know it has to happen sooner or later but I have no hope of my health becoming good enough to be totally independent again. I feel like a giant boil on everyone’s ass. I’ve ruined the holidays for my daughter and knowing that makes me hurt through and through.
I want it all to end. If there is no way for things to get better all I ask for is a way for things to be over.
1 comment
I’m sorry that i don’t have any good advice to give, but i don’t really think you’ve ruined your kids holidays, because you’re not forcing them to be with you (at least that’s what i gather from reading this), it’s mostly their choice to help you. In a way (and i say this from a son perspective), the least we can do is take care of our parents or at least help them in some way when they need it (specially when they get older). Most people regret not spending more time with their parents after they die, so there’s also that. Just try to make the best out of this holidays, fancy meal included or not. I do hope that works out for you.