So, I thought I should give an update on the ‘Jehova’s Witness’ who are trying to kill me.
The year is coming to an end and the court date is drawing near. You know what that means? More threats. They want me dead as in yesterday.
Well… Whatever… A part of me doesn’t give a shit anymore.
Anyway, the harassment and threats have escalated. Since they can’t do it themselves, they have their relatives and church members do the dirty work for them. I’m in hell.
Remember I mentioned that 2 guys were shot dead a few weeks back? Well, it turns out those 2 guys were among the guys who killed my brother. I don’t really remember all the faces there. Some I’d never seen before. But they live in my area. I remember seeing the neighbours (father and son) and the other guys they hired to help them.
8 against 1. They needed 8 guys to take my brother down. They were cowards. They still are. My brother was not a guy to be feared. He was a sweetheart and was loved by everyone who knew him. He was strong, so strong he held onto his very last breath to make sure I was safe. Only once he was sure I was safe did he finally go down on his knees.
Now people are scared of us. They think my parents hired the guy who killed those 2. I wish. My parents don’t have the money to hire a hitman, nor do they have the guts to kill anyone. They were happy though when they heard of their death. Me. I was just numb. All I could think of was how much I wish it had been me who killed them.
Because of these assumptions, I can finally get out of the house without looking over my shoulder all the time. I can even sleep. I’m not worried they might attack in the middle of the night anymore.
All of a sudden, I feel good. I feel good. I’m just hoping I can feel this free until I get on that witness stand. The only think making me anxious right now is coming face to face with those bastards. I just have to fight my inner demons and hope I don’t jump their throats and rip them apart.
I keep having dreams about that day. Every time, I kill them. (Just like the dog dream. I still hate that fucking dog.) I enjoy those dreams. I never was them to end.
Homicidal thoughts have consumed me. I can barely contain myself.
This should make me less suicidal. But, no. It’s still there. I’m just motivated to stick to my plans more.
Ngikhathele ilezi ‘ngquza. Ngeke aphinde abuye la lamagolo. Zizobuyela kuphi lezinja. Izoba umloba. Uzovutha.
That’s for me. I just needed to let it out.
8 comments
Always the Jehovah’s witnesses. There are good people in their religion, who really want to do what “Jehovah god” wants and make people’s lives better by sharing the word of their god with them, but they’re a cult. My past with the JWs is horrible. They protected my ex stepfather, an immoral pedophile, and brainwashed my mom to make her think I was trying to destroy the family and said that Satan was using me. The things they told my mom made her keep me in the house without going outside for anything but their religious meetings for a little over 2 years. I know I keep repeating my story whenever I stumble upon the word Jehovah, but I really can’t keep my mouth shut anymore. They almost made me lose my sanity when they raised me as an outcast. I hope you never kill people, Ylem. I used to have homicidal thoughts before too, I wanted to kill my abuser late at night, in my bedroo, and then kill myself. I was a scared teenager. I didn’t know what to do. But that is not worth the effort, murder is not right. I understand how you feel though. Life is unfair. Sending you a hug, I really wish you the very best, peace and safety to live your life to its fullest.
Don’t believe in God anymore. I doubt I ever did. My mother almost fainted when I said if God exists then He is a *****. He is a sadistic maniac who enjoys watching people suffer. And I meant it. Not taking it back.
I don’t believe in god either, but I was raised to be the perfect Christian.
I agree. I just don’t understand why a being that’s supposedly omnipotent would create an existence in which it’s possible for so much suffering to occur,mand just sit back and not do anything about it. If he is real we’re part of some sick experiment of his or something.
I’m a God-hater too. Jumping on the bandwagon here. If there’s anyone I truly want to kill, it’s probably ‘God’.
Same here. I don’t believe such a thing exists at all. If it exists, either it is lower then us human beings, because I’m sure even us “little” humans would prevent the unfathomable suffering if it was within our power. Or he is as powerless as us, because he can’t do anything about it. Either way, it doesn’t seem to have any role other than being a concept created by people.
2 years…. that was really harsh. It’s incredible what religious extremism can do. My parents are neo-protestants, too, well my father no longer, but he became a worse person anyway. When I was little we didn’t have a TV or a computer in our home, which were forbiden. Even today, we have no TV in our home.
I wonder, do you still live with your parents?
I could watch some tv shows, but not access the internet, have a phone nor talk to people, except for other church members. Tough years, I was very lonely. I was raised indoors for most of my life though HS was good in way because I could socialize a bit. I attended a nice private school.
I still live with my mother mostly because I’m saving up and also I’m a big fool — I really wanted to save our mother-daughter relationship, but she acts like a robot most of the time, and disrespects and mistreats me every single day. I think the best thing I can do at this point is move out. I’ll probably move next year. Emphasis on the word “probably”.
I never got my half million after the murder threats, hope.
Going offline for a while now; I guess “real life” is outside somewhere…