I’m not mean, but I’m truthful.
I’m not crazy, I’m just unconventional.
I’m not alive, although I’m not dead.
I’m not depressed, however I am in pain.
I’m in pain because I’m conflicted. Why? Because I love dragging the sharp blade across my skin. The way it stings, the way my blood drips, the way it makes me feel.
Every once and a while, my cravings increase to a point of concern. It’s not longer just hurting myself by the pocket knife I keep by my bedside, it’s wondering what it would feel like to crash my car into a tree. What it would feel like to fall off of a building with no safety net insight.
So what is pain? Different for everyone else I assume. Self mutilation is what helps me feel because I’m completely numb to everything else. So, what im trying to ask is am I already dead?
3 comments
I don’t have a lot of advice tonight. But I found this amazing song to share with you. Maybe it will help. I couldn’t find the lyrics, but it is so ambient I’m thinking the lyrics are more of another instrument than actual meaning.
youtube.com/watch?v=sTUDOIWqugE
I don’t know if it is because of the album cover, but that song makes me feel like I’m walking through the woods trying to find my way out.
You are. Trying to find your way out that is. Keep walking.