Just yesterday I had a dream of my mother, she was drunk and throwing stuff around our home. In my dream I called her “a drunk” and then she looked at me and asked “what about you?” What was the box of wine I found in your room?”
That dream could not be more true, I’m not living at home but its true I’m drinkin as much or even more than she is.
Life is not working out at all, I’m 23 years old, never had sex, never had relationship. I seriously just want to die.
I hear comments from my friends every few days about how they want to buy me a whore just for me to get rid of my virginity.
This world in short if you ask me is terrible, I’ve been screwing around at the university reading shit subjects leading nowhere cause I failed my first year courses on the programme which I am enrolled on. I can say seriously should I fail the courses this year I reenrolled on I will really end it.
I remember back in high school how one of my class mates said that suicide is the way of the coward and another one (a girl) said she would kill herself if her parents were drunks.
Who the fuck cares if I’m gone anyway? I’ve had relatives dying these previous years who I barely remember and I had to carry the coffin of a far off relative I never knew cause he had no children. Now if I keep on living thats gonna be me when I’m old. The sad fuck who’s coffin no one is going to carry.
Life start unfair and I was the one with the bruises on my body who people were commenting on in the showers after gym. I was the one with cop cars at my house who my class mates asked about etc.
No if I dont make it on the courses I’ve enrolled this year at the university its done, I’m going to end it.
see ya on the other side.
9 comments
Your lack of a relationships or the fact you have never been with anyone doesn’t mean you have fails. We live in a society that has a lot of wrong conceptions and relationships are the center of it. Your college results don’t mean more than you just don’t want to do things as they do it at your university. Before ending it all, I dont know…change it all. Leave uni if you want and change everything that is hurting you now. Alcohol might be a relief, but you must find another way. They say nothing changes from night to day, and there are easier ways than death itself, dying is the hardest decision. You are still so young, that maybe you can try something new. It’s not easy but may be worth it.
Feel sorry for you buddy
That’s tough man. I’m 25 i look normal I’m handsome and drive a Benz. but true word I’ve never been in a relationship in my life what I went through in high school sickening going about being a virgin. Ppl would say “You don’t know how many girls I’d bag if I had your looks your a fag” blah blah blah I only slept with 2 girls and that was only because of my car when I was 21 nothing else after and i try I just keep friend zoning and I just give up I’m not strong at this topic and I’m not wealthy I just drive that car because I live for it since I have nothing else. I dropped out of college because one of my parents died having to carry there coffin heart breaking traumatizing and all I hear from family “when are you getting married” hah I do not go to family weddings either I’ve been heart broken because I tried and was rejected with no chance I’ve had friends and they hurt me heavey so seriously emotionaly damaged still trying to find a reason to live. Looking for a coping resource. I’m just trying to say that you are not alone. The hardest part is watching those around you easily have it while I’m suffocating crazy part is that it’s never noticeable no one sees how much I’m during inside but that’s just the way I want it since no one seems to care to much .
I’d also like to say that I gave you quick details with not much explaining in them. So my bad if my comment was jumping randomly around. You see If I were to be thorough I would have to write up a 20,000 word essay which only my close friend took the time To read.Take care
Just because you’re 25, handsome and drive a Benz, that means nothing.
Tell me about the Mercedes. That’s what matters. Spare no details.
Look Morris I understand that stuff don’t matter but what I was trying to say that even those who might carry themselves well and look good also can lack in game such as sadly myself. As far as the car I’d rather not talk to much about it. I used it to give a point because I believe that I relate with the op.
Morris you are positively shameless.
@Hazy Day; Please. You’ve never kicked a potential love interest to the curb because they had horrible taste in cars or motorcycles?
C’mon. Be honest.
Would you fu** someone who drives a KIA or rides a moped?
Yeah.
Me neither.
Maybe a moped. Depends on the make.