At this new job at my brother’s company, anxiety is always flaring up and up. Meeting clients is so much of a struggle because I try to leave my social anxiety and depression at home. My brother keeps on telling about the Lord and how he’ll save me et cetera
I just feel like I don’t belong and wasn’t meant to be in the first place. I can’t function like a normal human being. The boredom and repetitive mundanities of everyday life just render me powerless. Lack of confidence in self, in the world. I am generally fucked to the 100th degree.
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I am going to try and be positive here, and I am not saying what you wrote ain’t true or difficult but : don’t let go of your fighting, you are doing well at trying this new job. It may be hard, but knowing you have a job and that right now you are fighting your anxiety is a good thing. Keep on trying and imagine that leting go is never an option (just imagine it). Fight it!
Good wishes for you on this.
and You are normal (normality is an illusion and a distorted concept) so don’t worry to much about it.
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Thanks Moneypenny I gotta soldier on but sometimes its just to hard to adapt to certain situation with a tainted mental state
It’d be so nice to be able to travel into other people’s minds and see just how equally anxious/filled with thoughts of doubt and insecurities they really are, despite the cool and collected front they may be displaying. Some are really good at hiding it and may not show any outward signs, but deep down inside, everyone is in a grapple with an insecurity of some kind.