It’s finals week for us and I don’t know if I can take it any longer. My mom told me if I wanted to be a scientist, I’d have to move to another country because the government wouldn’t support my projects here and that someone might kill me, especially since I want to protect the environment here and people (like poachers, smugglers, and corporations) tend to try to kill those that do so. But the problem is, I want to work here and my parents think I should be either a doctor or go to another country. And my parents are sort of trying to push me into being a doctor, but I don’t want to graduate from med school when I’m in my mid-30s (since they might make me do pre-med too). And the school I’m in right now – everything’s too hard. Most of my teachers teach way too fast for me and because of that, I get low grades in tests. It’s so unbearable that I freeze in the middle of tests sometimes and there’s always so much work to do. I want to move away but my parents will have to pay back the school for the money the school used for my scholarship. I keep oversleeping, which is my way of avoiding problems. Sometimes, I skip dinner, just so that I can cry myself to sleep from all the problems I have. I want to fix my life by leaving the school but I can’t because of the money my parents will pay back if I do. If I decide to finish my scholarship here, it will take me slightly more than 4 years and there’s a chance my depression might get even worse as every year gets harder and harder. I just want to be happy again and not be always worn out and depressed.
And maybe, I’ll have to wait for a long time to feel long-term happiness in my life. Until then, I guess I’m going to drag my entire body and soul forward for years.
3 comments
Where do you live? Maybe it would be a smart move to change your place of stay. What about other people at your school? Do they have similar issues? Is it really the speed or maybe the quality of teaching that makes the things hard on you? Sometimes you can understand a thing in the blink of an eye if the teachers are well-prepared. My Maths teachers sucks but the additional classes I take are really good and help me a lot. I learn faster than during my normal ones. Think about it. Remember that you should never give up on your dreams because you will end up unlucky in a place which won’t be your true vocation!
I believe in you. Greetings from Poland. =)
Wow, that is really a bad situation. Why would your parents have to pay back the school? I’m not familiar with that kind of scholarship.
You seem to live where i do… so did you get a credit-schollarship? (Credito-beca)
How much would it be by now… think of this is that enough money to sell your whole happiness for? If you have 4 years ahead it means you owe 1 or 2 semesters, right?
Stop it now if you can… go and study science, if you really Ile it, then you’ll become a good professional and you will be able to pay your debt back… risk it…. can you?