Hello everybody.
First I want so say sorry, for my bad englisch. I hope, that you will understand, want I want to tell you.
I’m so lonely. Every day I’m alone, at home, in my bed, and do nothing.
I have no friends.
In the morning I’m at school and nobody cares about me. They just think on them self. If the classmate’s friend is sick, she comes to me and want to talk with me but only than. If her friend isn’t sick she doesn’t care about what’s with me. Nobody cares about me. I walk alone, I work alone, I do everything alone.
When I was at primary school, there were two girls M and K. We did a lot together. After four years we visited the high school together. First it was like always. But than ( I don’t know why, I think M was afraid, that K and I would do more together und forget her) she did more with K and they forgot me. They started, to say very bad things about me. It wasn’t true, but everybody liked them, so the other students started to ignore me too.
They didn’t talk to me.
It was a very horrible time.
I was alone, always and everywhere.
So I thought, it would be the best thing, to go on an other school and to start new, with new people. The first day there was great. Everybody was interested in me and they asked me so much about my live..
I was so happy.
The next day, I was happy to see my new classmates again, but they didn’t talk to me. I didn’t understand anything, I didn’t understand the world. They didn’t say ‘hello’ or something else. A girl said that I’m stupid… (I don’t know very much about, what they said anymore)
A boy came to me and said, that M told them, that they should’t say anything to me, they should just ignore me. I don’t understand why everybody did this.
So I changed the school, but it was the same thing, like on the old school or more frustrating, because I didn’t do anything and they just hate me for nothing.
Today, they talk to me, sometimes, but only, if they want my homework or something.
It’s not just that, but i think that would be enough for me, to be so lonely.
Since I’m 10 years old my father touched me everywhere. I don’t want this, but he doesn’t care about, what I think. I don’t know, what I should do.
I feel like I’m a ghost. I don’t have some feelings. I just sit there and hope, that he will go soon.
Maybe somebody read the book ‘my heart and other black holes’ I feel the same way, with this black, ugly thing inside my body.
I’m sad everytime, but I don’t have some feelings.
When I see me in the mirror, I just see nothing.
I don’t know how to descripe it. Perhaps someone knows, what I think.
I don’t want to be alive, I don’t want to be death.
I don’t know what i want.
8 comments
It’s alright, your english isn’t half bad and I understand what you’re saying 🙂
school can be really rough and I’m sorry people were so mean to you, and especially sorry about your dad.
people here do care though, and we’ll listen to you.
It’s so beautiful, to have someone, who listen to you. Thank you!
Oh you poor child.
I was married for 12 years. We were married for a couple years before I discovered her secret. She had been sexually abused by her step-father from the time she was 8 until she was 12. She existed in a living hell. I also found out that she attempted suicide; took a bunch of pills and ended up in the ER. Her sister found her unconscious, but still breathing.
After learning this, my first reaction was to kill that ************!
My second reaction was to hold her in my arms forever.
When it all came out bubbling to the surface, it made things strange, but she was the center of my universe. I tried and tried to be the man she wanted me to be, needed me to be.
But it was never enough.
She walked out on me in 2001.
I tried to save the marriage but failed.
Eventually I told myself that if I love her, I had to love her enough to let her go. And I did.
I can’t begin to give you any advice here. But I know things won’t be easy. Survival never is.
That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Keep that in mind!
Respectfully,
Jack
Thank you, for your answer. I’m sorry about what happened to you. I hope, that makes me stronger.
It won’t be easy for you, I’m sure. But just for the record, even though I haven’t seen my ex wife since our divorce, I heard that she is alive and well… and 47 years old. She has survived her trauma and her past and has moved on. You can as well.
I’m not sure, if I’m still alive, until i have enough money to life alone. I think he will do this until this point. I’m affraid to talking to somebody about this.
I’m not sure, if I’m still alive, until i have enough money to life alone. I think he will do this until this point. I’m affraid to talk to somebody about this.
Oh two times. I’m sorry