This will probably turn into a rant or something, oh well.
I’m terrified of everything. The voices won’t leave me alone. They want me to do things, and I know I’m going to end up doing them. They want me to jump from a bridge, or a building, now. They say bad things will happen if I don’t. I don’t want to hear them anymore. They scare me.
I still haven’t saw my doctor, there weren’t any appointments last week. I don’t know when I next see my therapist, and I see my psychiatrist on the 12th (the Angels haven’t been saying she’s much of a threat lately. I think she’s stopping the Other’s brainwashing). I was going to see her earlier because she could’ve booked me in, however, the time might have been inconvenient for my mum. So, on my Mum’s orders, I agreed to wait another month. I haven’t saw her since January. I don’t know how I’m going to cope until I next see someone.
The suicidal thoughts are near constant now, and I’m seriously starting to consider it. I can’t cope with it all anymore. I’m losing even more sleep now. My moods are fluctuating terribly, and they’re so intense. All these voices and figures are driving me mad. I hate it all.
I don’t feel safe anywhere, I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t feel safe when I’m left on my own. The voices keep telling me to hurt myself, and I am. I don’t know what to do anymore.
8 comments
Hey Crispi
Have you ever heard of (shadow men). At least learn about them before you jump.
Some claim they also talk to you (something about Entities or Demons). Too.
Hey JiminyCrispies,
I’m really sorry to hear that you are going through this. Does your doctor and your mother know about all the voices that you hear? Do you take medication? It sounds like you really need some help. I wish there was something I could do but I think u need to find someone IRL. Don’t try to fight this alone. You can always go to the hospital if it gets really bad. I would be scared if I was in your situation too. I hope you get help soon. Hugs.
My family and the doctors know about the voices. They’ve known for a couple years now, I think. I haven’t really been offered any help with it. I was assessed by another team last month, but they said it isn’t psychosis and haven’t been back in touch since.
I saw my psychiatrist towards the end of January, and she was debating on medication.
I have thought about going to the hospital for the past few weeks, I think it would be my safe place. However, my mum isn’t very supportive with this, so I’m not sure how she’d react if I woke her up to say I need to go to hospital. She’d most likely laugh it off and tell me to go back to bed.
Dyinginny has no other way I could put it into words. I hope that you are able to find something that helps. For now you know you have SP. Have you thought of anything that might help ease you from your ‘condition’? Like running and listening to musoc at the same time? I’m not fimiliar with what it’s like but I had a dear friend that hallucinated and heard voices. I found him help, and worked with him a lot to ease it for him before he could get medication. I know medication is the only real big help it seems. So I wish you luck.
My therapist is making me write entries through the day of how distressed I become and what distractions I used and if they worked. So far, nothing has really helped me much. I’m trying different things at the moment. The problem is that sometimes something that helpsd me in the morning will do absolutely nothing in the afternoon, and vice versa.
Sounds like a struggle. Have you found talking to someone helpful at all at points?
Hello
You seem to have schyzofrenia. If you have a crisis you can go to the emergency room of any hospital or a psychiatric hospital.
Be aware of that and please let the person that take care of you know that you can go yo the hospital ER and be sedated.
Ok?
Be cool. Wirh the right medication you’ll really fine!