I read a lot of posts by people who seem to be in their early years (teens, 20’s) and it makes me feel sad that so many young people feel so hopeless. I understand though – I reached that point too when I was in college, and if not for a quick-thinking friend who grabbed my shirt I would have “fallen” out a 19th story dorm window. That was in 1983.
But once I was past college and on my own two feet I’ve lead an OK life, so I’m glad I didn’t kill myself back then. I got to experience life on my own terms. Sometimes I would get mildly depressed but I’d snap out of it. I had 30 good years before I took another turn for the worse because of several concurrent events of loss and death in 2014. My PTSD, severe depression and anxiety is not just over my friend MC, but also because my parents have died, my only sibling is estranged from me so I have no family, I lost my job and career, and my marriage has taken a very sad downturn. I’m lonely, jobless, have few friends, and unhappy. I have many days when I want to end it all. At night before bedtime I pray not to wake up.
But yet…
I think back over my life from 1983 to now. Many good, unexpected things happened during those years. OK, so I currently lost my career due to stress and burnout, but I had 23 marvelous years with amazing co-workers in an organization I wanted to work at since I was a child. When I was in my 20’s I never expected to work there but I did. When I get mentally better I can possibly go back – they liked me. OK, so right now my marriage is in sad decline (rut?) and we’re both tired and unhappy, but we’ve been together over 20 years, we still have a few good times and we still love each other. When I was in my 20’s I never expected to marry, but I did (at age 33). OK, I can’t bring my parents or family back, but I’ve tried to make new friends and form relationships to fill in that gap, MC included. I’ve lost him, but I’ll never give up hope that he may return… because we never know what tomorrow will bring.
We never know what tomorrow will bring.
Maybe it’s more of the same (ugh!). OK, then we ride it through another day and we tell ourselves that just as good times don’t last, bad times don’t either. Every day brings you closer to graduating school, finding a new job, moving to a new home or even new city, meeting new friends, or maybe completely reinventing yourself.
Because the only constant in life is the sun rising and setting.
So please young people, realize that you have so much more ahead of you and a lot of it will be good. What you have experienced so far (childhood, teens, school, etc.) is NOT what adulthood is like. Adulthood does have challenges, and there is still stress, pain, loneliness, etc. but you have more control, options and resources on how you choose to deal with them. With age comes empowerment.
Give tomorrow a chance, and see what it brings.
7 comments
Pretty much agree with this, in most cases (not all, generalizing isn’t that good) giving a chance to experience at least a part of adulthood is a good idea. Some changes are for the better, some for the worst, but change in itself can help lots regarding depression. In the end, death is a definitive solution, so it’s better to at least get a taste of all possible choices before calling it quits. Thanks for sharing!
I agree with this. I often get upset when I log on here and see so many young people speaking as if they have no future. But that is not true. Every generation has its challenges but every generation makes it through somehow. Hang in there young people. Things will get better.
Thank you for sharing . I’m only 18 , i can’t say i’ve been through the things you said so i can judge them myself , but … i can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel .. for someone like me there is no place or hope of tomorrow . I’ve lived between hell and normal life since i can remember . I’m glad to hear that you had some great times in your life and for someone like me , it seems amazing , beautiful , each one of these memories are beautiful … but sad at the same time , because they are , in fact , memories … I hope you get back your job , your wife , and everything you want , in one word , i wish you to be happy .
Ugh! I remember age 18 being really hard. I couldn’t wait to get out of High School and away from that place. I had no friends, was an honors student that drank & smoked weed, so didn’t fit in with either the smart crowd or the “burnouts”, and I was bullied since the first grade. I didn’t even have a *date* until I was in college.
You will have better times ahead. Even if it’s just a really cool or funny movie that comes out this summer that you enjoy. Look for the little things of happiness and the big things will happen. Enjoy the times when life is “normal” and when it’s not remember that it will be again.
Yup all the past is a memory, and memories often really bring me down. But sometimes they can remind me that The Impossible CAN happen, despite my best efforts to fuck it up. I may not get all that I’ve lost back again, but maybe it means I have room for something better… but I have to keep trying in order to let those better things find me.
Thank you for wishing me to be happy! I genuinely wish the same for you as well. You’re a good person.
Thanks
Probably the most important thing I learned after reaching adulthood is that you don’t know what you don’t know. When you’re young you think you “get it.” Everyone tells you you don’t, but you think you do anyway, and then you grow up and realize they were all right.
When I was 17 I understood the world. Then when I was 18 i realized i didn’t know shit, but NOW I had it. Then when I was 20 I realized I didn’t know shit but NOW I had it. Now at 22 I realize I’ve never ever been close, but now I accept that there’s no such thing as getting it. As you get older you just keep having revelations and epiphanies about life. The further back you stand the more you see. The older you get the more patterns and connects you see.
Doesn’t mean life will necessarily get better, but letting my brain mature a bit has immensely helped my depression and suicidal impulses. It’s nice to slow down. I wouldn’t go back to being a teenager for a million dollars.
Well…maybe
I think everyone is different. I turned 20 recently (Yes, I know a lot of people consider that young), and I’d do anything to go back and appreciate my high school years and my childhood. My whole childhood I waited to be an adult and told myself things would be better then, I was horribly abused by mom as a child and all I wanted to do was get away from her. To be honest, I’d go back to that if just to get away from where I’m at now. When you’re young it’s the easiest thing in the world to blame your problems, your sadness, pain, and shortcomings on other as I did for many years, I blamed my mess of a family for everything. Here’s what I can’t blame them for now that I’m an adult: I didn’t have the self respect to leave an abusive relationship for over a year only to have him dump me on my birthday and tell me to kill myself, I drank myself into a depression 1000X worse than what it was before, I dropped out of college because I couldn’t stand to get out of bed, I can’t go back to school because I dropped out and owe the college a huge debt, I had to move home with my dad where I’m constantly criticized for being 20 years old and living at home, but if I hadn’t moved home I know I’d be dead right now. Being an adult sucks ass because you have to take responsibility for every failure and when you’ve grown up feeling like a failure your whole life makes adulthood one big smack to the face.