I always feel lost

Maybe you’re like me? Maybe you don’t belong anywhere? I know I don’t. Some people may think this is a cop-out, like I’m putting my failures off on other people, but that’s not the case. If I fuck up, I fuck up and take responsibility for it. But what really pisses me off is when I bust my ass, work as hard as I can, try as hard as I can, and through no fault of my own, something beyond my control always ends up fucking up my situation. Do you know what I mean? I hate that. I mean, shit, why keep trying when nothing ever goes right?

Then there are those other people that just seem to skate on through life, with not a care in the world, and no matter how much they fuck up, everything still goes perfectly right. The cliche that life isn’t fair is a gross understatement.

But what can we do about it? Put a bullet in our heads? I guess that’s an option. Oh make friends with the pain? I hate to say that, but that’s kind of what I’ve done. 50 years of bullshit and I’m still here. But not a day passes that I don’t wish I’d grow the stones to put that bullet in my head!

My only sense of peace is that now, at my age, there’s more days behind me than in front of me. That’s kind of a relief, albeit a small one.

Yeah, I hope things start to go better for you. They still aren’t for me.
Jack