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I need to get it right this time

by passionfruit3

So i ended up in the hospital in January got out in February and im no longer suicidal unfortunately the only reason that is because of fear fear if i fail at an attempt ill get sent back and if i fail there’s a new worry my mother told me as well that if i end up in the hospital for more than a month then they’ll kick me off my ssdi that means ill have no medical insurance either and as much as I want to die i don’t want to risk failing and losing my medical insurance i need to get it right this time but i don’t know if I can

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4 comments

depressed otaku 3/15/2016 - 12:31 am

I’m in just about the exact same situation as you I so I know how you feel. I really need to find some way without a risk of failure as well

passionfruit3 3/15/2016 - 1:11 am

It’s so difficult im tired of failing and ending up in the hospital especially last time it was terrible people wiping themselves on furniture throwing food screaming every night no thanks ill pass on the mental hospital but i just cant figure out how partly cause ive never tried anything but pills but mainly cause i don’t follow all the way through

norestfortheweary 3/15/2016 - 1:51 am

I think the reason you just can’t seem to follow all the way through, is that deep down inside, you don’t want to. You want to die, but yet you don’t. There’s a tiny sliver of fight left in you which is tugging with all its might to stop you. If you find that part of you that wants to live, hold onto it for dear life, and ignore everything else, maybe you’ll see that you never really wanted to die. Just to get better.

depressed otaku 3/15/2016 - 2:01 am

Sounds very similar to what I’ve been thru I’ve ended up in the hospital twice myself and both times rank among the worst experiences of my life so obviously I’d never want a repeat of that but again I’m still looking for the right method to hopefully just put and end to it and thus skip the hospital. I’ve tried pills as well and some other methods but like you I have trouble folling thru sometimes

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