After my test tomorrow with the piza place thay interviewed me this week. And I say good bye to my dog, write or type or video recored everything im done. Im fucking done. I cant handle this anymore. Im not going through this again. Im not going to be homeless. Im not goint to be jobless. Im not going to be carless. Im not going to suffer being alone. Im not going through this. I cant take it! I cant fucking take it! I hate myself! I hate everything! I HATE MY LIFE! Im done im fucking done!
IM SORRY SP! IM SORRY EVERYONE! IM SORRY! IM SORRY I CANT DO THIS. IM SORRY IM ENDING MT LIFE! IM SORY I GAVE UP. IM SORRY I GAVE UP ON ALL OF YOU. IM SORRY I SET A BAD EXAMPLE! IM SORRY ANOTHER MEMBER DECISED TO TAKE THEIR OWN LIFE! IM SORRY!
Look all of you. All of you! Dont give up. Don’t be like me. Dont be a.coward an throw everything away like I am. Dont throw your life away. You all have so much to live for. So much to stand for. So much to fight for. Fight for yourself. I want you all to be happy. I want you all to find what you’re looking for. I want the best for every single one of you. Even the people to come to this site in the future. Dont give up. I believe in you. You can do it. I know you can. You all are amazing. You guys kept me livong for this long it’s unreal. The day I found this site I was seconds away from overdosing. Ive cut myself. Hurt myself. Beat up myself. Struggled for so long. Then I found you guys. And I was able to be strong again. You guys gave me hope. You guys made me happy. You guys made me want to live for another day. All of you have no idea how much you impacted my live positivly. Life was worth fighting for again. But im sorry. Ive hit rock bottom again. And its not worth it anymore. Im sorry SP isnt enough for me anymore. SP is the only thing I have left to live for. I dont even want to live anymore. Not with myself. And sadily if SP is the literal ONLY thing I have left. Then it’s not worth it in my eyes. But I dont want my decisions to affect you all. I dont want my death to cause more deaths. I dont want you guys to give up. Because if you have something left to live for, then live! Live your life to the fullest! Be happy! Do what you’ve always wanted to do! Be great! Be yourself! If you have litterally nothing left to live for like myself. Then I understand. Im there with you on that. But don’t give up over some boy or girl. Dont give up because you had a bad day. Dont give up because of your past. Fight. Its one of the hardest things to do when you struggle with suicide. Believe me. But when your day comes like my day has, then I hope you found your happiness. I hope you life wasnt wasted like mine. Im leaving this world unhappy. But the only happiness I seem to have found is taking my own life. Im so unhappy that suicide makes me happy. Fuck guys. Im going to be dead. I will never speak to any of you again. And im sorry. The only thing anyone will have left of me is my posts and words we have exchanged. And I want you guys to look back on my post. And I want you guys to remember what its like to live. Even after death. Im sorry. Im fucking sorry. Just don’t give up. Please. Not as easily as I did. And when you do give up because that is your choice. As much as its also my own choice. Just make it worth it. Thats how I want my memory to be lived down. I respect anyone who struggles with suicide. And I respect your decision on taking your own life like I will with mine within 24 hours of this post. Even if my request isnt met, I respect you. You all are beautiful. You all are amazing. I love you all so much that you cant even begin to know. Not the love you feel for a mother or significant other. TURE LOVE. tonight I finally felt what true love feels like. What ive been searching for my whole life. My goal in life and my only goal in life was to be loved. And feel true love. And I would like to thank you all for helping me achieve that goal tonight. Because without you all I would have never felt true love. I fucking love you guys. And im sorry. Youre all beautiful. I will be posting for the next 24 hours. I wont respond but i will read every reply. Everyone one of you willing to read will be able to see the inner most region of my heart mind and soul. I will say my final goodbye to you guys on SP. I want the last people to hear from me to be you guys. I want my last existance to be known on here. God. Im sorry. I truely love you guys. I cant type anymore. Im just rambiling. I promise my next posts in the next 24 hours will be more put together and understandable. Im sorry.
15 comments
🙁 *hugs* I would totally have asked you if you would stay with me (I’m female btw), but I don’t currently have my own place either.
I’m rooting for you. I hope you’ll find a miracle and a reason to go on.
I read every word…. and I still wish you were here.
Please stay.
Is there any possible way you could stay?
Normally I’d try to identify and say it’ll all be alright and I feel your pain but if you’re truly going to end it and you will be reading replies well then I wish to alter your perspective on one thing you shouldn’t be sorry about any of this you have a breaking point just like me just like everyone else and society has pushed you through that point then punched you through the roof if you’re truly going to end you’re life don’t get sorry those will be your final hours spend them doing something that will comfort you society WILL BE SORRY you should not be our society is like a bunch of greedy snooty children with no discipline they know what they do is wrong they know they’ll get what they want if they suck the life out of others but when they see the results they have instant regret and wish they could go back and change their ways I hope you decide to stay with us but if you’re going through with it please for yourself don’t spend your final hours putting yourself through hell you’ve been there and back you deserve a breather before passing on
I’m sorry i do always respect your decision. Sorry life has been so horrible now and i know i don’t really know anything but maybe it gets to ‘why go on?’ if you want to apologize just apologize to SP i guess cuz i mean society is crap and don’t deserve any apology, if anything society should apologize to us for being so horrible…
You are not giving up, you are not weak, you are not anything bad, you have just been given too much shit by society and perhaps i figure this was the final straw,
homeless, jobless, carless, I do respect your decision. help is available if you like, but again i respect your decision, you should have the choice to off yourself if you wish, No words are going to magically make you want to live again I know. And I’m sorry. If you are going to write again please feel free too and thank you for being here and being so kind, again I’m sorry you are doing this. If you are going to off yourself I hope you have a plan so it will be less likely to fail
If you LOVE your dog, please reconsider doing this. Dogs are very VERY loyal. And they suffer separation anxiety worse than most other animals. If you kill yourself, you may very well be killing your dog too. So please, PLEASE, reconsider this. For your dog if nothing else.
Respectfully,
Jack
I echo this sentiment – dogs don’t have the luxury of just picking up and moving on. A minimum, you should consider rehoming this pup to someone who will fulfill the lifetime commitment for this dog. Relying on “the system” to act in the dog’s best interest is almost a certain death sentence for the dog – please make certain the dog doesn’t suffer an unchosen fate at the hands of uncaring people who will just be “doing their job”
dog advocate dawg
Please don’t. There must be a way. I don’t believe you should die yet. I don’t believe it’s your time yet. I know things are bleek and you are too tired to get up again. Please try. Please give your self a chance. Your life deserves a 2nd 3rd a 100th a billionth chance. I respect your decision but i also respectfully disagree with it.
http://suicideproject.org/2015/12/2935-words-of-brianna/
http://suicideproject.org/2016/03/continuing-my-story/
Baubri, I will be sad to see you go, but I also do not want to see you suffer. If you are indeed leaving, I hope it will be a peaceful and painless one. Thank you for your comment earlier. We haven’t talked much but you sound like a sweet girl. I’m sorry you had to suffer so much.
Sorry to hear your having s ruff time
I wish you would stay. Things aren’t always going to feel so bad.
Okay. After reading all this all I can say is if heaven has you in it i wanna be there. As far as following your example goes i am making it my life’s purpose.
Thank you for caring so much.. I’m sorry that it’s wound up like this for you, hun.. Is there really nowhere else you can go? 🙁
I don’t ‘know’ you, but I have read some of your posts before, and having read this, you are a good person, and I hope things change for the better, you’re a kind and caring person, and you deserve much better.
If this is it, I’ll miss you.