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My secret love

by Hampshire_Girl


My initial and his form part of my butterfly tattoo – K and A.  Unless you know where to look, they’re hard to pick out. Like a special code which requires deciphering.

I’ve known him for nearly two years. We chatted online for a couple of months before meeting up. He’s 40 next month (12 years younger than me) and shares a house with his parents and two dogs. He is on medication for depression and has been for a long time. When we were first getting to know each other, he hid a lot from me – his depression, diabetes and excezma (bad skin). It all gradually came out into the open, though he admitted he was scared to tell me too much because he thought I’d do a runner. Well, I didn’t run screaming for the hills and I think he finds that just as scary. We don’t see each other much, as I always go to where he lives, but I try to get there at least once a month. Sometimes I see him and sometimes I don’t. I was last there on 13th Feb. He’d stopped responding to my texts (again), so I took my chance and just turned up.  It seemed that he was at work until 8pm (I looked at his work roster), but when he hadn’t turned up by 9.00, I decided to leave. His parents are lovely people and I get on well with them, but they’re at their wits end. He pays them no money for his share of the bills, etc and does nothing around the house. His depression meds make him sleepy, so that’s what he does most of the time – sleep!

Believe me, if I could have chosen ‘The One’ it most certainly would not have been him. But there you go, Love is a right ***** and no mistake. He’s the only man I’ve ever known who I believe when he says I’m beautiful. The first time we met, I let him kiss me and I never want to forget how that felt. I wish I could have preserved that moment to fetch out on my bad days to help me get through.

After two years, do I think we have a chance as a full-time ‘normal’ couple? No, I don’t think we do.

Am I ready to call it a day? No, I’m not.

Do I think I should? Yes I do.

Will I? No.

Like I said, Love’s a *****.

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1 comment

Moneypenny 3/1/2016 - 9:38 pm

🙁 complicated … but I get some parts of this

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