My marriage is ugly.
Divorce is ugly.
Suicide is ugly.
It’s quite a predicament. In my marriage, I am already dead. The pleasure of life is consumed. I really can’t paint a picture of how ridiculously abusive it is.
Suicide would just be an end to the torment. It’s a difficult thing to do. I don’t want “help” or “attention” so I’d have to give it 110%. Holding me back, so many passions. Prospects. Hopes and dreams . It makes me think, if I could let go of it all, I’d be OK in my marriage.
Divorce. Well. That’s just a lot of work. I mean, any guy can jump ship on his family. That’s disgraceful I’d rather die. No, I’d need to find some strength to pull this off. Maybe 2 years ago I could have.
So, I’m giving myself a deadline. Never used that word so literally. Anyways. By first week of June. I need to pull a trigger. Divorce or suicide, either way I’m taking control.
13 comments
Also add to the list:
Unwanted Singleness is ugly.
And it’s a triggering factor for a lot of depressed suicidal people.
People out there in happy flowery rainbow-pooping relationships tend to forget that when they spray it in our faces like a cross between My Little Pony and a bukkake fest.
(thanks again for listening to me vent earlier).
I hope your deadline ends up not being a literal one.
Even if my book can’t have a happy last chapter, yours still should.
Is there some reason you picked June?
Is it a birthday, anniversary, memorial occasion…?
P.S. Don’t Google Bukkake.
Saying don’t made me do it, but hey, quite illustrative
Lol
Well, I originally wanted my dads death anniversary, April. Keep it simple for grieving family members. But, too short of a timeline.
Summer is the most enjoyable for me. Yet,the thought of another captive summer is unbearable.
I know I feel bad posting about wanting out, when so many just want in a relationship. Truth is, I want in one too. So my advice is no, not just anyone is better than no-one. I use to be the guy who wanted anyone who wanted me. Now, if I move on and go on, well. . IDK what that’s going to be but there wil be rigorous screening process
The “rigorous screening process” made me picture a room full of ladies with #2 pencils, all frantically filling in circles on a very big questionnaire.
😛
Oooh yeah a test. But they also have to write an essay. And exhibit some sort of artistic endeavors.
If I’m remembering right you’re an expert in bureaucracy. I’ll hire you as my assistant. I recall something to do with snorting something through a blue straw you can only get somewhere between 3:05 and 3:05:59
If I remember correctly, it was between 3:00 and 3:02 on Tuesdays.
Snorting Satan’s armpit sweat.
yeahhhh.
suicideproject.org/2016/02/whew-now-i-can-breathe-sniff-sniff-hey-wait/
I could even start requiring that instead of #2 pencils, they have to have #34/17+0 pencils. Watch them weep quietly.
The smart ones would say “But… 34/17 plus zero IS TWO.”
And I could look at my watch and say “Oh, look, it’s 3:03 already. Time to go home.”
Excellent. Maybe we can record it all. Sell it as a series to TLC.
50/50 split. Cause I’m cool like that.
Trying to be in a better position is never disgraceful
I think it can. Just depends on how it’s done.
Well, off topic but, people talk about the beauty of a sunrise. Yeah, I’m travelling east. With 2 inches of salt spray on my windshield. My washers quit spraying. So I got a big golden streak, can’t see a damn thing. Good thing there’s rumble strips on the shoulder.
Have you been driving all night long?
Only since about 3:30
youtube.com/watch?v=6ZYisBWNtO0
It is going to be a long day for me folks.
Here is an interesting idea regarding your plight. Make divorce your first option with killing yourself a backup option.